


MANDAG 10:42

by wyoheartsmusic



Series: Butterfly Effect [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Even's smooth plan doesn't work, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mention of Mental Illness & Suicide Attempt, Smut, a tiny bit of angst at least, eeeh so there's a little more angst now oops, fluff fluff fluff, i have no idea how to tag this sorry, the locker scene, the rating going up is basically only for the last chapter, there's suddenly soooo much smut in that one, they're being really cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 17:24:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12437907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyoheartsmusic/pseuds/wyoheartsmusic
Summary: Isak gets some help in opening his lockers - at least Even tries to help. It's the thought that counts.Or: It’s Monday, 24.10.16, 10:42 and some things are the same while others are a little different.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So we were rewatching s3 yesterday and the idea of the locker not opening after Even punches it has been in my head for a while so obviously I wrote it.
> 
> This is for you who watched with me, I had loads of fun <3

When Isak gets to his locker, he finds the whole row of them decorated with invitations for a Halloween party on the weekend. He takes the one taped to his off and barely gives it a second glance before he crumples it up and throws it behind the lockers.

He can’t do another party.

Not when the last one still leaves him in turmoil.

Isak can still feel the ghost of Even’s lips against his, can still feel all of his nerve endings tingling whenever he thinks about how close they were. How scared he was to let that part of himself come to the surface but at the same time how exhilarating it was to know that it was Even who had made the first step towards him.

Wanted him just as much.

And Isak knows. He _knows_ Even has Sonja and whatever that thing at the pregame was, it couldn’t be real. Because despite the fact that Even smiled at him, cautiously but genuine, when they said goodbye at the door so Isak could figure out why the fuck Noora was back, ruining an unexpected, perfect end to the night, and despite Even giving him his number so “we can hang out on the weekend… for kosegruppa stuff,” he also replied to his text the next day with a flimsy excuse and a glaring reminder that there is, in fact, still a girlfriend.

Maybe Isak just had a very real, very beautiful dream and Even hadn’t actually wanted to kiss him after all.

So no, Isak can’t do another party with the possibility of Even being there. With Sonja.

Isak bans any thoughts of Even from his minds as he gets to trying to get his locker to open. The way the lock turns with quite some effort, Isak already resigns himself to another fight with the stupid thing, jolting and pushing a moment later to try and get it to open with sheer force. Punching his fits against it, which _should_ be a great way to get rid of his frustrations but just makes him more annoyed with everything.

Heaving a sigh, he stares up at the ceiling, trying to relax for a second before he goes back to attacking his locker with his debit card though he has already pretty much given up hoping that it would unjam the door.

As if to mock him further, the electronic system just buzzed at him.

“Halla.”

The voice is familiar and soothing, the kind of rumble that makes Isak immediately forget how much he hates his locker.

He didn’t expect to hear that voice anytime soon though, because Even is just that fleeting pleasure Isak is pretty sure he doesn’t deserve.

His eyes are wide when he looks up, uttering a high-pitched “Hi,” as he watches Even lean perfectly calm and cool against the lockers next to Isak’s.

Even’s smiling and Isak can’t look at it for long, his gaze going back to his locker, unsure what to say.

There is a silence between them that stretches on uncomfortable but an awkward silence between them is better than not having Even close at all. And Isak hates himself a little more for that thought, because he will never have this.

It was the same with his godforsaken crush on Jonas.

Even jerks him out of his gloomy thoughts, “Are you going to the Halloween thing?” He nods at the invitations.

Isak’s first reflex is to say no but then he thinks about it and adds, “Or maybe. I don’t know. Are you?” It’s incredible how easily he loses his cool around Even when he’s smooth as fuck around people he doesn’t have a crush on.

Even shrugs, the picture of nonchalance. “Join me?”

He can’t quite believe this. Did Even actually ask him to the party just now? “Okay,” He agrees, before he can think too hard about it and make up all kinds of scenarios why he shouldn’t say yes.

“Okay? We can have a predrink together,” He suggests, his gaze so intense on Isak that he feels hot all over.

Barely waiting for Isak’s confirmation, he pushes himself off the lockers and hits Isak’s in a show of strength.

In a different universe, the locker might have swung open and the Isak in the parallel universe would have swooned at the display but in this universe, right now, the locker doesn’t budge.

Isak looks from the locker back to Even and back to the locker.

Even, who undoubtedly wanted to dart off quickly after helping Isak with the dilemma of his jammed locker, doesn’t move, looking dumbfounded at the offending thing. Some cracks show in his cool exterior, which somehow reassures Isak incredibly.

Isak cracks a small smile and when their eyes meet, Even’s plush lips pull up in a smile of his own. “Faen,” Even mutters, a blush rising on his cheeks, “This was supposed to impress you not making me look like an idiot.”

“You don’t,” Isak blurts hastily, eyes widening. He clears his throat before trying to appear more chill, “I mean, you don’t look like an idiot. I’m sure that move would have worked on any other locker.”

Even huffs a laugh, his eyebrows raised. It’s clear that he looks right through Isak trying to pacify him. “Here, let me…” He steps closer to Isak and starts giving the locker the same treatment as Isak had before.

The rational part of Isak tells him to take a step away from Even, give him more room to work on opening the locker but Isak doesn’t want to. Even is pressed into his side, his elbow — bony even through the layers he’s wearing — nudging Isak every time he moves it. And Even doesn’t complain so…

“Let’s try it together,” Even suggests, his expression pinched as he glares at the locker.

They rattle on it and maybe it could have actually worked if Isak had focused more on the task at hand instead of Even’s hand almost overlapping with his on the handle of the locker door.

“I hate your locker,” Even comments, huffing a laugh as he steps around and behind Isak for whatever reason.

Isak stops thinking as soon as Even’s chest presses against his back, his arms across Isak’s shoulders to reach the locker again. 

“On three, okay?”

Isak can’t follow but he assumes Even means that they pull together then.

“One, two… three,” Even counts and then they’re pulling with all the strength they have.

And the locker doesn’t yield.

However, the force makes both boys stumble back and Isak is pretty sure that, with how out of it he feels, he’d have fallen if it weren’t for Even basically wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry,” Even sighs, rubbing his hands over Isak’s arms before he steps away and leans with his back against the lockers. “You should probably talk to the janitor or something.”

Isak mirrors Even’s position, easily following suit again when Even turns to his side to be able to look at Isak. “Yeah maybe,” Isak mumbles breathlessly.

“I—“ Even shakes his head a little as if to get rid of something on his mind, “I’m sorry I couldn’t hang out this weekend. I had… stuff.”

It’s a pretty vague apology but Isak didn’t expect one at all so it catches him off guard either way. “Oh… that’s— okay.” No need to tell Even that he was rather upset about it after what had happened on Friday. Or _almost_ happened rather.

“I’m—“ Again, Even cuts himself off, brow furrowed in frustration. He slides closer to Isak and where their hands are dangling by their sides, Isak can feel how Even’s pinky subtly nudges his hand.

Isak’s gaze darts down there and he swallows hard. His wildly beating heart and his shallow breathing are reminiscent of what he felt on Friday and the anticipation of what’s to come is stirring in his stomach.

He isn’t out and he’s terrified of what it means to _be_ out but if Even were to kiss him now, he’d pull him in closer. Fuck what everyone else thinks. He won’t let another opportunity slide.

Even is so close now that their noses bump. Isak closes his eyes because seeing Even’s eyes roam his face to find any indicator that this is not allowed is too much.

_Just kiss me._

The universe is an asshole, though. Even is seconds away from pressing their lips together when they’re interrupted once more.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jonas calls out from a couple lockers down, nodding at Isak and eyeing Even curiously.

Isak’s heart stops beating and he’s breaking into a cold sweat, panicked that he’s been found out. He pushes himself off the lockers, away from Even.

Even mutters “ _Again?_ ” under his breath and Isak tries not to overanalyse what that means. Instead, he focuses completely on his best friend.

“I’ll text you about kebabs after school,” Even reminds him, except that it’s really not a reminder because when did they talk about getting kebabs together?

Isak nods dumbly, not daring to look at Even again as he saunters off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mandag 16:23**

_when are you done with school? i’m out at 16.30. kebabs then?_

It’s been an hour since the school day was over for Isak and yet he’s still on the grounds, having crossed the courtyard more times than he can count. Nervous.

Even’s text came in at around 11.30 and Isak hasn’t stopped looking at it ever since.

He’s so fucked.

He _wants_ to go out for kebabs with Even, of course he does. And there isn’t necessarily anything weird about it. Just two bros that have lunch together, he’s done it with Jonas a million times.

Except that he wants to kiss Even much more than he ever wanted to kiss Jonas. And if he can trust his judgement, Even wants to kiss him too.

But now that he can think clearly again, he also remembers Sonja, Even’s _girlfriend_. If that’s not enough to tell him to stay away, to not get closer to Even, then maybe the fact that he’s very much in the closet does.

Then again, would he _really_ not want to go with Even, he’d probably not be here anymore. He sends him a quick _waiting by the gate_ with his heart pounding, stuffing the phone quickly in his pocket as to not stare at it anymore. He hopes Even didn’t make other plans in the time it took Isak to reply.

“Halla,” Comes the familiar greeting a couple minutes later.

Isak spins around, his gaze possibly a little dazed as he looks at Even. “Halla,” He says back and it sounds embarrassingly breathy.

Even smiles brightly at him. “You like kebabs, right?” He makes sure as they fall into step beside each other.

“Better than your cheese toasties,” Isak teases surprisingly easily.

Even’s jaw drops. “Oi! Don’t be rude!” But he laughs as he’s bumping their shoulders together.

Isak feels more and more comfortable, like his actual self, around Even. The nervousness is bleeding out of him like on that Friday two weeks ago. “Alright, Mr. _Let’s just put the whole shelf of spices on the toasties. What can possibly go wrong?_ ”

Even pouts at him. “You really know how to hurt a boy, huh?”

There’s a painful tug in his stomach that Isak isn’t quite sure how to define. “Only boys that can’t handle their spices,” He grins through the pain.

Longing.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Definitely.

“Can’t handle their spices, alright. I bought cardamom the other day since you swear by that… we should test that theory sometime soon,” Even mused, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

Isak is still reeling from the realisation that Even wants to have him over at his place again soon when Even suddenly grabs his hand and drags him toward the small kebab shop that appeared in front of them.

“I’m starving!” Even exclaims, probably the only boy in this universe who could be this excited about _kebab_.

And there’s a jolt going through Isak at the touch and if he were stronger, he’d revel in the feeling instead of panicking and darting his eyes around to check if anyone sees them. There is no one around but Isak wriggles his hand out of Even’s grasp anyway, his gaze set on the ground so he doesn’t have to see the possibility of disappointment in Even’s eyes.

He doesn’t look at Even again until they both ordered their food and sat down at one of the somewhat greasy tables. And even then, it takes him a moment to lift his head.

They’re eating without uttering a word and this is not at all how Isak imagined this to go. Not after minutes ago he felt absolutely comfortable.

Now the silence is just suffocating.

Even eventually speaks up, “This is a good kebab… I mean, it is missing cardamom but other than that it’s fine.” His laugh sounds strained.

“Cardamom!” Isak blurts out because he’s stupid and it’s their thing and— it makes the smile on Even’s face more genuine. Isak breathes a sigh of relief, his eyes darting from his kebab to Even and back before he forces himself to _just look at him, goddamnit_. Trying for a casual topic of conversation, he says, “I’m excited for the Halloween thing.”

“Yeah?” Even’s face lights up completely now. “Any ideas for a costume yet?”

Isak scrunches up his face. “Costume? Is that like, _required_?” He’s not the biggest fan of dressing up, it’s just such a hassle.

Even laughs, leaving Isak mesmerised. “It’s a _Halloween_ party, Isak.”

“So?” Isak grumbles.

Even grins broadly, “You’re adorable.” 

Isak huffs. _Adorable_ is not the first word he’d use to describe himself but Even was giving him a compliment and maybe he shouldn’t disagree with it. He clears his throat and changes the subject again, “I’ll talk to the janitor about my locker. Couldn’t get it to open all day.”

Even eyes him for a couple moments, then laughs quietly and continues eating.

“What?” Isak asks when he can’t take it anymore. Even is just smiling to himself and Isak needs him to share what’s going on. When Even takes his time with an answer, Isak bumps his foot against Even’s shin.

Even smiles more, eyes twinkling. He traps Isak’s foot between his ankles before admitting, “Nothing. I just like being here with you.”

“Oh.” There really isn’t anything else Isak could say.

The atmosphere starts to get more relaxed around them after that and they talk about the most random things, one of which is Isak’s newfound love for NAS that Even teases him endlessly for and while Isak is spluttering and defending himself with flimsy excuses, he secretly loves it and can’t stop smiling.

Their kebabs are long gone and it’s getting dark outside when they eventually leave the shop.

The streets are quiet and empty so when they walk closer together and their hands keep brushing, Isak doesn’t recoil this time even though Even doesn’t make another attempt to grab his hand. Isak still has to figure out if he’s sad or glad for that.

After taking the same tram together, Even offers, “I’ll walk you home.”

Isak furrows his brow. “You don’t have to,” He tells him, “Isn’t that an annoying detour for you?”

“Spending more time with you is never annoying. I want to,” He says bluntly, taking Isak’s breath away.

So as they walk, arms brushing again, Isak thinks it’s only fair when he hooks his pinky around Even’s, shyly looking up to gauge Even’s reaction.

Sparkling blue eyes meet his and it’s so intense that Isak has to look away. But their fingers remain connected and it’s not quite handholding but Isak’s heart is beating out of his chest anyway.

Partly because he’s actually doing this in public but mostly because he’s doing it with Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, no kiss lol you got almost handholding instead?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Double update because I'm not a monster and the last chapter was a bit of a filler to tease you (and me) <33

**Onsdag 13:54**

**26.10.16**

After that disastrous conversation about religion, the evolution theory and how it all relates to religion with Sana, Isak tries his best to just focus on biology.

Which is harder than it should be when it comes to his favourite subject. But all that’s going through his head is a repeat of _genetic death end_ and _sickness_. He’s bobbing his leg nervously, trying to quench the sloshing of guilt and disgust in his stomach.

When Even and he got to kollektivet on Monday, Even turned to stand in front of him, rocking on his feet as he told Isak, “I had a good time.” Their pinkies were still linked. And then Even darted forward and pressed a kiss to Isak’s cheek, smiling bashfully when he mumbled, “Goodnight, Isak.” He was gone before Isak could really progress what had happened but when he was in his room, he lay in his bed smiling ridiculously and sleep didn’t come for a long time but it felt different than when the usual insomnia hit him.

Now this feels tainted after Sana’s words. _Wrong_.

As if conjuring the forbidden subject of his thoughts, Even suddenly stands by their table. His smile charming as usual, greeting them with his ever-smooth, “Halla.”

Isak holds his breath. It’s a familiar feeling of tongue-tiedness that he seems to get whenever Even approaches him when his friends are around.

“How’s your locker?” Even grinned, trying himself at a wink and failing adorably.

Isak glares at him. They’ve been texting basically nonstop since Monday, and one of the things Isak ranted about was how he talked to the janitor who just told him to “figure his shit out” which meant he isn’t getting a new locker until he cleaned his up first to see if it works better then.

Even takes Isak’s lack of an answer in stride, saying cheerily, “I take that as a _not good_. I can help you with it if you like.”

The offer is tempting of course. Isak can feel the tightness in his chest lift a little when he teases, “Because you helping worked so well last time.”

Even’s laugh is booming, the most beautiful sound Isak has ever heard but it also makes him check his surroundings in paranoia as if a simple laugh could brand him as a homo. He briefly meets Sana’s calculating gaze but looks back at Even quickly because for once that’s the safer bet. “You got me there,” Even chuckles. “Listen, what I came here for is actually for a suggestion. Picture this: you and me as Loki and Thor. You like superheroes and that shit, right?”

“Huh?” Isak says unintelligently.

“For Friday,” Even elaborates, “Our costumes. You’d make a badass Loki.”

Isak nods, slowly catching on. “Right. Because it’s a Halloween party and costumes are required,” He mumbles, not understanding why they couldn’t have talked about this via text. It’s not that he’s embarrassed of being seen with Even in public he’s more afraid of what he himself will do whenever they are.

Even smiles again. “Exactly! Just think about it… I thought it could be fun but I’m open to other suggestions and I have a couple other ideas that could work.”

Isak tries to figure out when they agreed to coordinate their costumes and how he feels about that. He draws a blank for both of those things. “Okay,” He agrees, simply because Even is looking at him so hopeful.

Apparently, this wasn’t all though because Even is still standing there and only when the silence stretches on for a little too long, Isak and Even just looking at each other until Sana coughs quietly, does he continue, “Also, I was wondering when you’re done here. I promised you cheese toasties again so I thought you maybe wanted to come home with me today?”

There’s a couple ways this could go. Isak could just outright refuse and see Even’s face fall, he could say they’re busy for a bit longer and tell Even he will let him know later, either texting him no then and imagining his disappointed expression or agreeing and knowing that Even knows he doesn’t want them to be associated with each other in public — cue the disappointed face again — or he could listen to what his heart is screaming at him and agree right now, seeing Even’s face light up even more.

In the end, it’s Sana who makes the decision a little easier. “We were done here, right? You were useless to me anyway,” She says in her usually brash tone, stuffing her things in her bag.

Isak just watches her getting ready to leave, returning her goodbye distractedly before he turns back to Even. His next words are easier without Sana’s watchful (judging) eyes on him. “Make them less gross then last time and I’m all yours.”

It has the desired effect — not that Isak consciously realised before saying that that he wanted a reaction. Even’s eyes widen and then there’s the biggest smile on his face. “Great! I told you, I practiced. You’re going to be on your knees for me because of them.”

Suddenly, the world screeches to a halt. Isak can’t believe Even just said that; so clearly alluding to— Isak stops right there. He doesn’t want to admit to the wave of something he doesn’t want to name rushing through him when he knows how wrong it is. “Fuck off!” Isak exclaims, grabbing his things and rushing out of the room.

Even is right behind him, not at all nonchalant when he stutters, “I— that— I didn’t— that came out wrong—“

“Oh my god, Even.” The whole situation is so ridiculous, confusing Isak so much that he can’t help but burst into laughter, just on the edge of too hysterical, turning to Even and shoving him a little, “Shut _up_.”

It almost feels like a ritual when they get off at their tram stop and their arms are brushing as they walk the rest of the way to Even’s place. Touching but _not_. But it helps Isak quell the turmoil going on inside him, Even’s closeness a reminder that maybe it doesn’t matter if he’s actually a _genetic death end_ and that the fact that he hasn’t felt as happy as he does next to Even means feeling this way can’t be a _sickness_.

As on the Friday Isak was here first, the flat is empty again. They go to Even’s room first, discarding their coats and schoolbags. “Are you hungry right now?” 

The grumbling of Isak’s stomach is answer enough, making Even giggle and Isak blush.

“No sweaty cheese today, huh?” Isak laughs when he makes to sit on the counter and Even takes the cheese out of the fridge.

He automatically pulls a chair closer for Isak to put his feet on. “No, not today. Today we’re doing it right.” Even makes their toasts, wiggling his eyebrows when he proudly shows Isak the cardamom. “Okay, come here and show me how much I have to put on them since you’re the master of cardamom.”

Isak rolls his eyes but hops off the counter again and steps into Even’s personal space. “Just… dump some one there,” He says because he has honestly no idea.

“ _Dump some on there_ ,” Even echoes dubiously.

Isak rolls his eyes, his hand landing on Even’s hip as he pushes him away from the counter a little so he can come closer. He grabs Even’s hand to guide him to put the right amount of the spice on the toasts. “See? _Easy_ ,” He says, realising with a jolt how close they are and that his hand is resting on Even’s. He doesn’t move.

“Looks perfect,” Even hums, and he, too, isn’t moving. Instead, he asks lowly, “What now? Should we put some more stuff on there?”

Isak strains his neck to look at Even behind him only to eye him unimpressed. “Even, _nei_. It’s gonna taste like balls again!”

Even raises his eyebrows, mirth shining in his eyes, “What about chilli? Always chilli?”

“Fine!” Isak sighs, “Put chilli on there, I don’t care.”

Even giggles, disentangling his fingers from Isak’s (when did that happen?), reaching around him to grab the right container. When he’s done, he teases, “Pottagaldrar?”

“Stop,” Isak laughs, “Just put them in the oven, oh my god.”

“Are you talking to me? This is the second time you said that. Am I your god?” Even asks, the amusement in his voice barely contained.

Isak groans. “Oh my god,” He repeats — he’s way too endeared with Even instead of being annoyed by his stupid jokes.

“Case in point,” Even grins, ducking out of the way before Isak can shove him.

While the toasties are in the oven, Even offers him a beer that he declines with a, “Even, it’s the middle of the day in the middle of the week.” What he doesn’t say is that he’d rather have the memory of this day without alcohol clouding it.

With their cheese toasties in hand, they go back to Even’s room, settling down on the sofa under the loft bed with their backs against the armrests and their feet and legs tangled.

Isak peers around the room curiously, taking in everything he missed last time: the Spanish book on the table, underneath, oddly enough, what seems to be a copy of the Quran. Next to the books some loose notebook pages with doodles and unfinished sketches. When he spots a bottle of pills, he feels his stomach sinking with worry.

He doesn’t ask; of course he doesn’t, it’s not his place to dod so.

He averts his eyes.

“Let’s see if your cheese toastie skills improved,” Isak grins.

Even nods importantly. “Cardamom chilli cheese toasties, it’s the new haute cuisine.”

Isak laughs, taking a big, daring bite of his toast. “It’s good,” He allows.

“Good?” Even exclaims dramatically, “Just _good_? I put my everything into this and all I get is a _good_?”

Isak can just stare. Even is too gorgeous for his own good, and Isak is once again hit by how much he wants Even, wants _this_. Comfortable afternoons with easy conversations and laughter. He wants to have this every day, wants to say it’s _his_ , not… Sonja’s. “Best toasties I ever had,” He admits quietly.

Even’s expression is bright and he reaches out to squeeze Isak’s ankle, keeping his fingers wrapped around it comfortably.

Isak wants to scream at him, ask him “what about your girlfriend?” But he doesn’t say anything, instead listens to Even talk about a film project he wants to start. “What are you going to call it?”

Even smirks, rubbing his thumb against Isak’s ankle. “The boy who didn’t appreciate my cheese toasties.”

Isak kicks Even and then swings his legs over the edge of the sofa, placing his empty plate on the table, careful not to get any grease on the drawings. “May I?” He asks as he picks up a half finished sketch that shows dark shadows with scary grimaces lurking. Some of them look frighteningly similar to Even himself if it weren’t for the distorted expressions.

With how close they are, Isak can pinpoint the exact moment Even spots his medication and realises Isak must have seen it too. He freezes, goes completely stock still. Isak isn’t sure if he’s even breathing.

He focuses completely on the drawing in his hands, giving Even a moment to himself. He’s still hyperaware of it when Even gets up jerkily and the next time he dares to look up, the pills are gone and Even stands in the middle of his room, shoulders hunched as if he wants to withdraw into himself.

Isak goes for casual when he says, “What are you doing? Wanna get me more of your epic cheese toasties?” He’s good at pretending nothing is out of the ordinary so he’s willing to give that to Even right now.

Even deflates like a balloon and his laugh sounds a little strained but the expression on his face is incredibly grateful. “I knew you couldn’t resist. _Good_ , my ass,” He jokes.

Isak isn’t really that hungry anymore but it gives them, and especially Even, time to recuperate.

They go through the same procedure as before, Isak standing in front of Even and guiding his hand and when the toasties are in the oven, their fingers lace together again. It helps Even relax again.

After finishing eating Isak looks at Even’s closet door again where he detected a couple new drawings. One of them the contours of a snapback, and nose and lips he sees in the mirror every day and telltale green eyes the only colour in the drawing.

Completely in awe, he touches his finger to it gently. Isak’s heart is pounding, he doesn’t understand the meaning of Even having a drawing of him when he has a girl—

“Isak,” Even interrupts his thoughts quietly, “I broke up with Sonja.”

The words are resounding in his head and he’s feeling something previously unknown course through him.

Elation, he realises.

Isak turns around slowly, watching Even carefully.

Even who’s looking back at him with his wide blue gaze, gnawing on his bottom lip. “What… do you think about that?”

Isak takes a step closer to Even. “Cool,” He whispers, then promptly feels like an asshole and amends, “I mean… it’s— if it’s making you sad then I hope—

“I’m not sad,” Even assures him, closing the distance between them.

There’s a tug in Isak’s stomach that would be painful if it weren’t such an amazing feel. “No? That’s… great,” Isak mumbles lamely. No one can really blame him for not being able to think properly.

Even’s eyes are shining when he smiles at him, touching their foreheads together. He links their hands and Isak can feel the anticipation in his bones. Even is going to kiss him. Finally.

Except that he pulls away again a moment later. “Sorry, I…” He walks to the door and locks it.

Isak squints his eyes at him. “What are you doing?” This has been the third time a kiss has been interrupted and he can’t believe it’s actually Even’s fault this time.

“Locking the door. Because I’m not risking my intentions of kissing you to be interrupted a third time,” Even explains as he strides back over to Isak.

Hearing it actually said out loud, _I want to kiss you_ , leaves Isak breathless. So that might be the reason — as well as his patience being gone at this point — that he cups Even’s face in his hands and kisses him. He’s tired of waiting.

It’s unlike anything he’s ever experienced. He could say there are fireworks exploding behind his eyelids and butterflies going crazy in his stomach but the truth is, he just feels calm. The constant painful fluttering in his chest is finally gone now that he doesn’t have to pretend anymore. It’s like coming home.

Which _should_ be ridiculous but instead, it just takes Isak’s breath away. He gasps when they pull apart but stay close enough for Even to run his nose along Isak’s.

“Wow,” Even mumbles, a slow smile spreading on his lips.

On his very kissable lips. Isak doesn’t think he ever wants to stop kissing him.

“You asshole,” He blurts, his hands on Even’s face the only reason why Even doesn’t reflexively pull away, “Because of you, I only got my kiss on the fourth try.”

Even grins, telling him, “I’ll make up for it, promise.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, I love comments and kudos <3 Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marta, this is mostly your fault, I love you. <3
> 
> The Magnificent M's [Marta](https://mfrov95.tumblr.com/), [Mack](http://archiveofourown.org/users/EvensDramaticShenanigans/pseuds/EvensDramaticShenanigans) and [Megan](https://valtermeme.tumblr.com/) made me the coolest edits which you can find [here](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/342254173154181121/372396488719990796/IMG-20171024-WA0017.jpg), [here](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/342254173154181121/372188483025895424/Thorvak.jpg) and [here](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/342254173154181121/372171384085938196/image.jpg).
> 
> I hope you enjoy this <3

**Fredag 21:21**  


**28.10.16**

As Isak has the kollektiv to himself, Even and he will have the predrink there which is simply the worst because now Isak has to wait for Even’s arrival which is just excruciating.

Finally, after Isak checked a million times that he put enough snacks on the table and made room in the fridge for the beers Even will bring, the doorbell rings and Isak almost trips over his feet in his haste to get to the door.

He buzzes Even in and then waits impatiently for him to climb the stairs. As soon as he’s made it to the landing, Isak rushes over to him and kisses him desperately. He pulls him into the flat, slamming the door shut while never interrupting the kiss.

God, he missed this.

They haven’t kissed since Wednesday, which yes, Isak _gets it_ , it’s his fault because Even would be all too willing to kiss him stupid in the hallways between classes but Isak just isn’t there yet. So they had to settle for secret smiles and stealthy touches as they waited for Friday to finally come around.

Isak can’t quite believe this is his life now: that he doesn’t want to stop kissing _a boy_.

“Isak,” Even mumbles against his lips breathlessly, “The beer… and the costumes.”

Isak really doesn’t give a fuck about any of that. He brushes the backpack off Even’s shoulders, not even wincing at the sound of glass knocking together loudly. Tangling his fingers in Even’s hair, he deepens the kiss again.

Maybe he can convince Even to just ditch the Halloween party and instead stay here all night.

When Even tries to bury his hands in Isak’s hair as well, he leans back with a frown suddenly. Only now realising that Isak’s wearing a snapback. “Why are you wearing that?” He pouts, “It’ll ruin your hair for the costume!”

So apparently, Even is really set on the idea of actually dressing up and going to the party.

Isak groans. “You tried to convince me to gel back my hair to make it _more authentic_. There isn’t anything to ruin!” He reminds him with a glower.

“Still,” Even insists, “I like your curls.” His expression turns into a soft smile as he plucks the snapback off Isak’s head and places it on his own instead.

Seeing Even in a snapback is quite something. Isak gapes at him, not even caring for his probably terrible case of hat hair. He pulls Even in again, attacking his lips hungrily and guiding them to the sofa.

Isak knows kissing, has done plenty of it to prove to his friends and himself that he enjoys kissing girls just as much as them. But none of that compares to the way Even moves his lips against his or how his flat chest is pressed against Isak, his strong arms wrapped around him.

Or the way Even straddles him on the sofa now, rolling his hips into Isak’s.

Isak gasps, throwing his head back. A wail leaves his throat when Even latches onto the exposed skin of his neck.

Even’s hands sneak under his shirt, exploring Isak’s body and it’s the best feeling in the world.

Except that Isak suddenly gets irrationally panicked when he realises what this all means, where this could _go_. “Even,” He breathes, opening his eyes and trying to focus. It’s exceptionally hard.

“What is it, babe?” Even whispers against his skin, peppering some more kisses on his neck before pulling away, his eyes searching for answers on Isak’s face.

Isak knocks their foreheads together, calming down as they just breathe with each other. “I’m not— I’ve never— you know that I never… right?” He stutters eventually, feeling absolutely miserable.

“Hey…” Even smiles at him, no judgment in his eyes. He brushes his thumb against Isak’s cheek. “You don’t have to be scared of me, okay? I won’t force you into anything you don’t want…”

It’s not like Isak didn’t already know that but it feels good to hear it out loud anyway. “I know,” He nods, pressing a chaste kiss to Even’s lips.

Even slides off his lap and it’s quiet between them until they’ve caught their breaths. He then turns to look at Isak, lacing their fingers. “I don’t think I said it yet so… Halla.”

Isak rolls his eyes but grins stupidly. “Hi,” He replies quietly, positively beaming when Even nudges their noses together. Then he flicks the snapback off Even’s head, mumbling, “You look ridiculous in it.” Ridiculously cute, ridiculously beautiful — but Even doesn’t have to know that.

Even calls him out on it, “Liar.” But he doesn’t elaborate on it. 

When he changes his position on the sofa, Isak can’t help but look down at the movement and he notices that there’s still a prominent bulge in Even’s jeans (quite similar to his own). He blushes deeply and averts his gaze quickly, announcing, “I’ll put the beers in the fridge.”

He returns five minutes later, feeling marginally better with his dick calmed down. He hands Even a beer and watches how he spread out the costumes he brought. The grin on his face is excited. “Voila. Should we get changed to get this party started?”

“I can’t believe you actually have a friend who owns both a Thor and a Loki costume,” Isak sighs. He’s been complaining via texts ever since Even made the suggestion because of how much effort it would take to get those costumes. Not that he shut up about it once Even told him he knows someone.

Even shrugs, picking up the helmet with the horns for Loki’s costume. “Can’t wait to see you in this,” He cheers. Isak watches him unimpressed but can’t even get a word in before Even goes on, “I even bought some light makeup we can put on you so you’re Loki-pale!”

Now _that_ Isak can’t accept. “ _Nei_!” He exclaims, “I’m a Norwegian boy, it can’t get paler than that!”

“Okay fine,” Even sighs, walking up to Isak to pull him in by the waist.

Isak gasps in surprise. It’s such a familiar gesture already even though he hasn’t had this for very long. “Can I also not wear the stupid helmet?” He pleads before kissing Even sweetly. If he’s lucky this works well enough as a persuasion technique.

Even pouts against his lips, “But Isaaaak… it’s not gonna be authentic if you don’t!”

“It is,” Isak argues, “I’m not going into a fight. Loki is only wearing it for fights. Please, Even? You like my curls! Let them be free!”

Even groans but as he doesn’t say more, Isak takes it he has won. When Even unceremoniously sheds his clothes right there in front of Isak, Isak realises he has _definitely_ won.

Isak has a thing for Chris Hemsworth as Thor but Even Bech Næsheim as Thor? That’s just out of this world; wig and all. “Fuck me,” Isak mutters — judging by the smirk Even hears it anyway. “Are you sure you want to go to that party?” He asks. He really wouldn’t mind staying here and kissing Even all night like they did on Wednesday, except that this time, Even would look super hot in a costume.

“Let’s get a little tipsy, make out for an hour or something and then we’ll head to the party. It’s gonna be fun!”

 

Famous last words.

Isak’s lips are kiss-swollen and he admittedly still feels a little delirious, probably from lack of oxygen from all that kissing they did for the past one and a half hours, when they walk into the party.

As they’re slightly delayed, it is already packed and Isak spots a couple familiar faces he nods to in greeting. (He desperately hopes it doesn’t look like Even and he got here together, that they just showed up at the same time and that the matching costumes are just as coincidental and he hates himself for it, he shouldn’t care this much but he can’t stop it either.)

It takes about a minute until a leather-clad cat woman finds him, the mask not enough to hide the fact that it’s Emma. Isak hasn’t seen her since the kosegruppe pregame that ended in his first almost kiss with Even. He has also ignored her as best as he could ever since. And yet, it does not deter her from pressing a kiss to his lips.

Isak grows rigid as does Even behind him, who’s pressed close and Isak would probably freak out about that if it weren’t for the crowd permitting this kind of closeness without it seeming gay. “Emma, hi,” Isak laughs awkwardly, hating this situation with all his heart.

She beams at him, completely oblivious of the tension. “Did you get my message? I texted you… we could have worked out matching costumes!” Her giggle grates on his nerves, “But it’s meant to be… look, we’re matching anyway!”

Last time he checked, mixing the DC and Marvel universes together did not go over well.

Even voices those thoughts exactly. Too sweetly, he tells Emma, “Cat woman and Loki are from different universes. _Nothing’s_ meant to be, you don’t fit.”

Isak feels warmth pooling in his stomach. It almost as if Even is getting territorial, which is pretty damn hot. And if it gets Emma off his back, that’s a great bonus too.

Emma pouts. “But you do?” She challenges.

Isak doesn’t have to look to know the exasperated look that’s on Even’s face. “ _Emma_ ,” He says slowly, “I am Thor. As in, Loki’s brother — _that’s_ what I call meant to be. Now excuse us…” He doesn’t wait for her reply before he stirs Isak in the direction of the kitchen.

However, right before they’re there, he pulls Isak to the left and suddenly it’s dark around them.

“Did you just pull me in a fucking closet?” Isak screeches, somewhere between horrified and amused.

Instead of answering that question, Even pulls him into a heated kiss. “If Emma kisses you again, I will—“

Isak doesn’t let him finish. Underestimating the room they have in the closet, he knocks Even into the shelves behind them as he kisses him some more. “Stop talking about her. She’s not important,” He murmurs and then levels Even with a deadpan look that he probably can’t see in the darkness but can probably tell from his tone of voice, “And don’t refer to yourself as my brother, it’s just weird. We’re kissing.”

“That we are,” Even giggles. Eventually, they pull apart, breathing heavily, and Even suggests, “I’ll go out first. You can come out of the closet a little after me. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

Isak’s taking his time to regain his composure, only leaving the closet after he’s sure his cheeks aren’t flushed anymore and as he pushes through the crowd, he makes sure to keep his eyes on the ground because he is awfully scared of meeting someone’s gaze who might have seen both Even and then Isak exit the closet and would jump to conclusions (which yes, admittedly, would probably be right which makes the whole thing even more frightening).

As promised, Even is waiting for him in the kitchen with a beaming smile and a cheeky, “Wow, look at us in matching outfits. Such a coincidence!”

Isak rolls his eyes, taking the cup he offers him with a quiet “thanks,” relieved when the two other people that were in the kitchen leave and they’re alone. It doesn’t feel as suffocating.

Even as well doesn’t seem in a hurry to get back to the party so they stay in the kitchen just talking and drinking. Every now and then they’re interrupted by someone who needs a new drink but they’re not doing anything incriminating anyway so Isak doesn’t really care, laughing loudly, blushing and looking at the ground bashfully when Even throws an easy compliment into the conversation, smirking when he can make _Even_ blush.

They could have done this at the kollektiv as well, safe in the familiarity of home, but as he’s watching Even, listening to his beautiful words, he thinks that this right now is nice, too. Liberating to some extent maybe because it shows him that he can talk normally with Even in public without anyone realising what it means. That they’re getting closer here, getting to know each other and Isak’s crush turning into him falling more and more in love.

Which makes it even more jarring when an angel steps into the kitchen.

As if getting an electric shock, Isak jumps away from Even where they’ve been gravitating toward each other more and more, not touching but close enough to feel each other’s every movement.

“Oh.”

Sonja’s eyes are just as wide as Even’s and Isak’s as they stare at each other with gaping mouths. 

Isak’s heart is pounding. He did not expect to see her again any time soon, if ever. And especially not after Even broke up with her _because of him_. It dawns on him that she was probably invited by Emma, who she has gotten rather close to at the neon party.

“Hi, Sonja,” Even says in an attempt to sound nonchalant but his voice is rather squeaky. Isak can’t say anything at all.

And Sonja can’t look at Even for longer than a couple seconds before she averts her eyes and they land on Isak instead.

He can see all the emotions in them; hurt, disappointment, anger… worry?

She doesn’t say a word before she swiftly turns around, leaving the kitchen without the drink she presumably wanted.

“Fuck,” Isak groans, turning to face Even again, who just seems miserable.

Suddenly, nothing of the ease and comfortableness they felt before is left.

Isak pushes through the awkwardness though and even if he can’t give Even more, he at least puts his hand on his arm in a comforting gesture.

Even manages a weak smile but it drops all too quickly. “I’m… gonna go to the bathroom,” He announces, “Be right back.”

Isak can only nod dumbly. He _knows_ the need to use the bathroom is probably the last reason why Even escapes the kitchen in a rush but he also realises that Even probably needs that moment to himself. It hurts that he has no idea how he can make Even feel better about it.

He waits in the kitchen for twenty minutes, idly scrolling through his phone and no desire to join the party, but when Even still hasn’t returned and the guilt of making both Sonja and Even miserable starts to eat him alive, he joins the crowd.

Dodging Eva and the girls, he prays that he won’t run into Emma or Sonja, keeping an eye out for Even. He just wants to know he’s okay, maybe offer to take him home and promising himself not to be disappointed if Even decides he’d rather be alone.

He spots Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus who wave at him but are too preoccupied with (not so) stealthily exchanging weed for money with a dude he’s never seen before.

Isak slips out of the house, breathing a sigh of relief at the fresh air. He sits down on the stairs, feeling a little dizzy because he apparently drank more than he realised. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he contemplates sending Even a message.

Before he can make a decision on that, though, the front door behind him opens, music and laughter spilling out into the dark night and someone curses, “You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me.”

Isak’s head whips around and there is Sonja again, dressed in white and so breathtakingly beautiful that it hurts. He can’t believe he ever stood a chance against her. “Sonja—“ He doesn’t know what he wants to say, _if_ there is something he can say.

But it doesn’t matter because she doesn’t let him finish, walking down the stairs and looking down at Isak, towering over him. “Where’s Even?” She looks around as if she expects him to jump out of the bushes.

He doesn’t. Because Isak has no idea where he actually is. Maybe he hoped that Even would actually jump out of the bushes.

Sonja is standing over him more like an angel of death than anything else, with how ominous it all feels. Isak is squirming around before he gets to his feet as well to have some advantage to her at least when it comes to height. “I don’t know,” He admits quietly. The look she gives him makes him feel small, like a little child being scolded.

She takes a step back, brushing a frustrated hand through her hair, teeth boring into her lip. Shaking her head, she asks, “Do you think this is real?”

Isak’s heart stops. He feels sick. Can’t utter a word.

There are tears shining in Sonja’s eyes when she goes on angrily, “Don’t you think I’ve been through this a million times already? Even and I have been together for _four years_ , I _know_ him. He broke up with me so many times when he was in one of his phases again. You’re just that, Isak. A phase.”

Isak gritted his teeth, told himself not to listen to her words because if he believed them, he’d break.

Sonja is ruthless, still trying to hurt him more. “He’s not well. He’s—“

It all makes sense suddenly. Isak realises what this is about. Quickly, he interrupts her, anger seething just below the surface — for Even’s sake and his own. “ _Stop_! I know about the pills,” He blurted, watching her as her eyes widened, “I don’t know what’s going on. But it is definitely not your place to tell me something this personal about Even’s life. I care about Even. And if he wants to tell me tomorrow what’s going on, then I will be there to listen. If he wants to tell me in ten years or twenty or fifty, I will be there. And if he doesn’t want to have me in his life anymore because none of this means as much to him as it does to me, then I will leave. But _fuck_ if you take that chance away from him!”

Isak can see her expression fall before she crumbles completely. Not able to stand on her feet anymore, she slumps down on the stairs. “ _Fuck_ ,” She mutters, her face buried in her hands. She’s crying. “I’m so sorry. Fuckfuckfuck, you’re right. I’m horrible. I didn’t mean to— he’s— I— I keep doing this. Let’s face this, Even broke up with me because I keep trying to control him. I just— I don’t know when I stopped feeling like his girlfriend and started to become his caretaker. It’s… everything’s so fucked.”

Isak isn’t sure if she’s even still talking to him, if she doesn’t, he wonders how rude it would be to just leave her there. This is possibly the most awkward situation he’s ever been in. How does he comfort the ex-girlfriend of someone he hopes will maybe, some day, turn into his boyfriend? The anger seeps out of him and he feels exhausted when he sits down next to her, awkwardly patting her back.

She looks up in surprise, beautiful face smudged with tears. “You’re a good guy, Isak,” She croaks, managing the smallest of smiles.

“I’m sorry,” Isak whispers because there really isn’t anything else to say.

Sonja nods and they sit there in silence for a couple minutes longer, only her quiet sobs and the music from the house audible. She huffs a humourless laugh eventually and tells him, “You should probably go back inside and find Even. I’ll just head home, I think…”

“Are you going to be okay? I could try to find him and then we can take you home…” Isak offers because he doesn’t know if he feels okay with letting her leave in that state — or if Even would approve of that happening.

She shakes her head. “Being walked home by you and Even is about the last thing I need right now,” She says honestly, “Bye, Isak.” She hurries away before Isak can say anything else.

Following Sonja’s advice, he goes back inside, trying to spot Even. He just wants to find him as fast as possible and then get the fuck out of there — preferably with Even but it would also be okay if he left alone. He just wants to leave this awful party.

This time, he finds Even rather quickly, looking around the room as if he’s searching for Isak as well. In a cliche film moment, their eyes meet across the room and Isak immediately heads in his direction.

They end up right where they started this party when Isak unceremoniously loops his fingers around Even’s wrist and drags him into the closet.

Isak’s breathing heavily and he doesn’t like that it’s not because they’ve been attached to each other’s lips. “Even,” He whispers, stepping into his personal space so they’re chest to chest. He links his left hand with Even’s and cups his face with the other.

“I missed you,” Even mumbles, leaning into the touch, “I’m sorry I ran away.”

Isak smiles softly, running his nose along Even’s. “I missed you too but don’t apologise. It was a lot for me to see Sonja again so I can only imagine what it must have been like for you.”

Even kisses him carefully, sweetly, desperately. It’s different to any of the kisses they shared before. “You’re so amazing, do you know that?” He breathes against his lips.

Isak squeezes his hand, trailing his fingers against Even’s cheekbone and over his eyebrow. He can barely make out his features but being able to touch Even like this is all he needs. “Listen, Even, I have a confession to make. And I don’t need you to say anything, just answer me one question.

Even grows rigid but Isak can feel him nod hesitantly.

“I spoke to Sonja just now and she… wanted to tell me something about you. I stopped her because only you should be allowed to tell me that, okay?” Just like with Sonja before, he repeats, “I know about the pills.” Expectedly, Even freezes completely — maybe he tried to tell himself that the moment in his bedroom hadn’t happened or he didn’t think Isak would actually bring it up again two days later. Isak doesn’t let go of him, hopes the closeness soothes him. “I’m not going to ask what it is until you feel ready to tell me but please just tell me that you’re not going to die of a terminal illness? It’s not life-threatening?”

Even hesitates and Isak feels his heart plunging to his feet. “It’s not like that. But… it was— once— life-threatening,” He chokes out.

Isak hugs him as tightly as he can. He fights the tears welling up in his eyes, wanting to be strong. For Even. “I’m here for you. You’re not alone, Even,” He whispers, hoping Even understands that nothing’s changed for him.

“What do you think,” Even heaves a deep sigh, “Would your parents say… if I were your boyfriend?”

Isak can’t breathe. He’s simultaneously dreaded and hoped for this moment. The thought of coming out to his parents makes his skin prickle in an uncomfortable way. He’d have thought it wouldn’t affect him this much because of his relationship to them, that it would be more scary to come out to Jonas and his friends but now he isn’t so sure anymore. But this is something to worry about on another day. “I think… it would be fine.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t— my mother. It’s complicated. I’m sorry, I…” He hates how much he’s stuttering.

Even wraps his arm around Isak, their costumes a little too bulky for comfort. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” He assures him.

Isak nods gratefully. “What… would your parents say… about me?”

Even presses a smile against his lips, whispering, “They’d love you.”

Isak sighs in relief when they kiss again, the happiness in his chest almost overwhelming him. “Let’s go home?” He mumbles between kisses. When Even nods, Isak says, “I’ll meet you outside, yeah?”

It’s raining when they meet up outside, the drizzle annoying on Isak’s face. “Jump on the back, I’ll get us to my place as quick as possible… hopefully, before we’re drenched,” Isak nods at the bicycle he’s holding on to.

Even squints his eyes at him. “Isak?”

“Yes?” He asks innocently.

“We did not come here on a bike,” He points out.

Isak smirks, “I don’t see the problem here? It’s for charity…”

Even returns the smirk. “What charity? The _Get Isak and his boyfriend some dick_ charity?”

Isak rolls his eyes, trying very hard not to snort. “Are you coming or what?”

Naturally, Even doesn’t just let that slide. Isak figures it was too much of a great opportunity. “Well, I sure hope so.”

Isak adores him so much. He’s not scared anymore. As much of a disaster as this night was, he wants _everything_ with Even. “You know, my roommate once said that when a guy keeps talking about dick to people, he’s most likely gay.”

Even jumps on the bike behind Isak, circling his arms around his stomach. “You needed him to figure that out? I thought you were smarter, Isak,” He teases.

“Oh, fuck off,” Isak laughs.

When they’re back at kollektivet, as soon as the front door is opened and they’re in the staircase, they attack each other hungrily, pressing bruises against lips and skin and tugging on their costumes desperately.

Isak mutters a “Finally!” when they get to his room, crashing on the bed. Within seconds, the stupid costumes are off, leaving Isak in just his boxers and Even in a t-shirt and boxers.

And right, the wig, which just looks ridiculous now. Even starts kissing down Isak’s chest and he yanks the wig off, carding his fingers gently through Even’s messed up hair. The moment Even’s lips get to the waistband of Isak’s boxers, Isak can’t help but buck his hips up. He’s feeling too good right now and he wants Even surrounding him completely.

“You sure?” Even hums, the vibrations sending shocks through Isak, who doesn’t manage more than a weak nod and an even weaker _yes_ but not less determined.

Even hooks his fingers under the waistband, tugging.

There are words on Isak’s tongue that are way too intense to say already so he settles on moaning his boyfriend’s name and not much else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make me smile :) You can also come say hi to me on [tumblr](http://julian-dahl.tumblr.com/) <3
> 
>  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... due to popular demand, this will be going on for a little bit longer.
> 
> I dedicate this to my favourite artist and one of the best people I know, [Marta](https://mfrov95.tumblr.com/), who blessed me with the most perfect art for this chapter. Check it out in the chapter <3 I love you so much, Marta <333
> 
> There's a scene with some smut but it's really short and not that explicit I think.
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Mandag 11:52**

**31.10.16**

Isak has a boyfriend.

Like.

Is this real life?

A real fucking boyfriend.

Who he’s waiting for by the classroom so they can spend lunch break together.

This can’t be real.

He’s still on cloud nine from the weekend. Still blushing when he thinks about what they did after coming back from the party. Still feeling that tug in his stomach remembering the lazy Saturday they spent in bed, doing nothing but kissing and cuddling and talking about the universe. Still smiling so fucking stupidly large about Even waking him up on Sunday morning with nuzzling their noses together, pressing smiles into his skin before he proudly gave him a cartoon drawing of them as Loki and Thor, captioned with “in this universe”, next to it another boxed in drawing of them as… was that God and Caesar? This one captioned “another universe” and then a third box with their cartoon selves kissing. _In every universe_ _._

Isak’s nervous. Classmates of Even’s leave the room while Isak waits patiently. Maybe impatiently. “Is Even here?” He asks a girl that’s passing him.

She doesn’t even stop walking when she tells him, “Yeah. Still talking to the teacher.”

The last student leaves the classroom and Isak steps closer to the door, leaning against the frame as he watches Even gesticulating wildly while talking to his teacher. Isak doesn’t even pay attention to the words, just takes in every one of Even’s movements while his head rests against the doorframe and he has an undoubtedly dreamy expression on his face.

“Halla,” Even grins, suddenly standing right in front of Isak.

Isak blushes, he can’t believe he actually zoned out there. “Hi,” He smiles back, already raising his chin to demand a kiss when he realises that they’re in public, that the teacher is right there. He recoils, feeling a stab in his chest. His eyes are focused on the ground because he doesn’t want to see the disappointment in Even’s eyes.

The teacher brushes past them then, muttering a, “Goodbye, Even.”

They’re alone but Even doesn’t move to kiss him, which Isak is actually glad for. He links their hands together shyly, knowing that should someone come their way, he can easily retract his hand. It’s an apology for the fact that they can’t kiss and Isak hopes Even realises that.

Even squeezes his fingers and they just stand there, staring at each other.

That is, until there’s chatter coming from the stairs and Isak grimaces, could identify Emma’s grating voice probably anywhere. “Shit, let’s get out of here,” He mutters, tugging on Even’s hand that he’s still holding.

Slipping around the corner, out of sight, Isak suddenly finds himself pressed against the wall with Even boxing him in. It’s a nice position to be in.

Even runs his nose along Isak’s, still not kissing him even though it could be argued that the way they look right now is more intimate than a kiss. “I have an idea. Do you trust me?” Even whispers.

“You had my dick in your mouth.” That should answer that question.

Even giggles, looking around the empty hallway to check if anyone’s there before darting in for a quick peck. Then he’s running down the hallway, Isak in tow, still holding onto his hand.

When they make it to their destination, it takes Isak a moment to realise what’s going on.

_Where_ they are.

As soon as he does, he groans. If there is such a thing as fond eye rolls, Isak gives Even one of those. “I don’t believe you.”

“It’s _our_ bathroom,” Even smirks, pushing Isak against the sinks.

Automatically, Isak’s hands landed on Even’s hips, under his denim jacket and hoodie, fingertips pressing into soft skin. The air seems to be rushing out of his lungs and he attacks Even’s lips like it’s the way to survive.

Without wanting to sound dramatic, it might actually be.

He digs his finger into Even’s skin, the action making Even moan against his lips which sends a thrill down Isak’s spine. Walking Even backwards, he pushes him into one of the stalls, locking the door behind them. In the privacy of the small cubicle — or at least the _illusion_ of privacy —, it’s easier for Isak to rake his hands farther up Even’s body, exposing his flat stomach and marvelling at the way he can feel Even get harder with every little touch.

“I’m gonna,” Even gasps into his mouth, “If you stop— I’ll have to sit through English with a boner.”

Isak smirks, gyrating his hips into Even’s so both of them get lost in moans and wet kisses. “Who says…” He pants, “I plan to stop?” With nimble fingers, he works on opening Even’s jeans, biting his lip as he watches Even’s expression when his fingers slip under the waistband of his boxers and they wander along it until he grabs two handfuls of Even’s ass and then in a quick movement strips Even of his boxers and jeans.

“Fy faen,” Even breathes when Isak drops to his knees.

For the millionth time since Friday, Isak wonders how he ended up here.

How _on earth_ did he end up in a school bathroom, on his knees, about to suck his boyfriend off. In which universe does any of that make sense?

“Even?” Isak blurts, looking up at him with wide eyes.

Even gently runs his fingers through Isak’s hair, the urgency of the situation turning into something more settled. “What is it, babe? You don’t have to do this,” He reminds him.

Isak shakes his head. The thing is, he _really_ wants to. Has wanted to return the favour ever since he’d chickened out and Even got himself off instead on Friday. “I’m really glad it’s you,” He whispers.

Even looks at him in awe, then shifts a little. _Jittery_ , Isak realises. It baffles him. “Me too… I just—“ He chuckles, shaking his head a little, “Gosh, I’m nervous.”

“ _You_ ’re nervous?” Isak looks up at him wide-eyed, “I didn’t even want to admit to myself until last week that I’m actually gay. Now I have a fucking gorgeous boyfriend whose dick I’ll put in my mouth.” He’s aware that he’s rambling but his hands are shaking and sweaty and this is kind of a huge deal.

“You don’t have to,” Even repeats, gnawing on his bottom lip.

It feels a little awkward to have this conversation while Isak is still crouching on the ground so he stands back up, kissing Even sweetly. “Do you want me to?” Isak whispers, trailing his lips along Even’s jaw. He lets his hands wander down Even’s body, bringing them to his ass again. It’s a good ass and Isak really wants to get more acquainted with it.

Even’s breathing is laboured and his hands don’t seem to know what they’re supposed to do, flailing around a little helplessly.

Isak takes matters into his own hands, regrettably removing his hands from his boyfriend’s ass to guide Even’s to his hips. Somehow Even’s nervousness is spurring him on, making him feel more daring. _He’s got this._ “Do you want my mouth on you?” He repeats, eyes boring into Even’s that are almost entirely black with how blown his pupils are.

Even’s lips — which are _sinful_ by the way — are parted and his nod is a little choppy but he manages a, “Yes. Fuck, _please_.”

Isak licks his lips, a slow smirk spreading on them. The kiss he pulls Even into is dirty and hot and the moan leaving Even’s throat when Isak’s hand wraps around his length goes straight to Isak’s groin.

Isak would be lying if he said having sex in a public bathroom hasn’t been one of his fantasies. It’s still a little absurd that he’s actually doing this now. With his _boyfriend_.

He just has to repeat it over and over again in his head: Isak Valtersen has a fucking boyfriend.

He’s testing out how Even’s dick feels in his hand and it’s a little ridiculous how surprised he is about it being so different to jerking himself off. He can’t say he hates it. In fact, it might be the best thing he’s ever experienced. “You feel so good, babe,” He mumbles, kissing along Even’s neck.

Even’d head is thrown back against the cubicle wall, his hands loosely grasping Isak’s hips. He seems pretty out of it and Isak absolutely loves that look on him. Can’t wait to find out what he looks like when he’s actually on his knees for him.

So Isak does exactly that.

When Isak actually wraps his lips around Even, he shouts so loud that Isak just hopes there is no one currently in the hallway outside.

So maybe _that’s_ the best thing he’s ever done after all if it gets sounds like that out of Even.

Isak tries to remember some of the things Even did to him as well as the stuff he saw in porn. Luckily, his boyfriend is really vocal and enthusiastic about it, giving Isak some pointers.

He takes Even deeper into his mouth, breathing heavily through his nose, eyes widening when he feels Even’s tip brush against the back of his throat. He swallows around him, it’s a weird feeling, but not necessarily uncomfortable.

And if Even’s choked off _sobs_ are anything to go by, it’s pretty fucking great.

His hand flies into Isak’s hair, tugging on the curls a little, which just urges Isak on more. Experimentally, he tries to get him yet deeper, tears springing to his eyes because he can’t quite figure out how to breathe properly.

A drawn out “ _Faen_ ” leaves Even’s lips and he’s shooting his load down Isak’s throat.

The taste on Isak’s tongue is bitter but not entirely disgusting and as Even shudders through his post-orgasm, Isak sucks on the tip a little before pulling off.

Watching Even from where he’s still on his knees, Isak smirks to himself. He did _that_. Wiping his mouth he gets back up, going in for a kiss that Even tiredly but enthusiastically reciprocates. Isak pulls Even’s boxers and jeans back over his ass, tugging him in. He can’t stop smiling, feels so fucking high on having made Even feel so good.

“You could have told me you’re the master of blowjobs so I could have prepared for _this_ ,” Even smiles against his lips, hands wandering to the front of Isak’s still very tented jeans.

In that moment, the bell rings announcing the end of lunch break and Isak _knew_ that would happen but he still mourns the fact that he’ll have to wait for his own release. “Wanna skip?” Even offers, palming Isak through his jeans suggestively.

Isak shudders but shakes his head. “Can’t. Got Physics and Sana will kill me if I ask her for her notes again,” He pouts.

Even mirrors his expression but sounds ridiculously proud when he says, “My smart, studious boyfriend, sacrificing an orgasm for school. You’re a hero.”

“Shut up,” Isak laughs, pulling Even close again for another kiss, letting himself be pressed against the opposite wall. He hums against Even’s lips, pushing him away a little eventually because those kisses are not helping his neglected boner and he does have a class to attend. “We should get to class,” He giggles.

Physics goes by in a blur and Sana shooting him unimpressed looks at his inattentiveness — he cringes thinking about having to ask her for notes even though he is in the lesson and regrets not just skipping with Even; then again, sixes don’t write themselves — and he almost gets caught by the teacher when he snorts reading a message he got from Even.

_sitting in English with a boner -.- your MOUTH isak, fy faen_

It’s his luck that apparently Sana cares enough for him to knock her elbow into his side to alert him to the teacher approaching.

For Sana’s sake (and because he doesn’t want more bruises from her) he tries to focus for the rest of the class.

He meets Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus in Norwegian afterwards and as soon as his eyes land on Magnus, he freezes. Because shit— “It was your birthday! Shit! I’m so sorry… fuck! Happy birthday, bro!” He goes in for a hug but none of his friends’ gazes are happy. He grimaces, trying to sound enthusiastic when he asks, “How was the party? I’m sorry I missed it… I had a family thing.” He hates lying to them but it feels like he’s been doing that for ages now.

He’ll tell them soon. He just needs to get a little more confident, figure out how to tell his best bros that he likes blokes and hoping they won’t hate him. Fighting down any thoughts about last year when Jonas hung out with Elias so much and never said anything about Elias’ homophobic comments toward Isak even when he didn’t know that Isak was definitely gay. Those things hurt and are not that easy to forgot. It _seems_ like Jonas isn’t actually homophobic but Isak is still scared shitless.

When Magnus’ answer to Isak’s question turns out rather meek, Isak knows he definitely fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I live for kudos and comments <3  
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from Bergen so here's the promised update... sorry this took a little longer than usually but it gets a little angsty and I wanted to have some more written before I post. I'll update tomorrow and on Thursday again ;)

**Fredag 16:23**

**04.11.16**

Isak is so fucked.

And not even in the good way. Not in the _my boyfriend gave me multiple orgasms, I love life_ way.

This week, after an incredible start with plenty of orgasms, turned to shit pretty quickly.

When Magnus Fossbakken is disappointed in you, you know you truly made a mess. And the thing is, Isak can understand why he would be. They’re best mates. You don’t forget your best mates’ birthdays. Isak can’t get Magnus’ heartbroken expression out of his head and Jonas and Mahdi weren’t more understanding. Of course they weren’t, Isak gave them a bullshit excuse.

He’s been dodging them all week which wasn’t very hard considering they seemed to avoid him just as much and even in the group chat, they didn’t really include him. He has no fucking clue how to make it up to them.

Well, there is one option.

_Come out to them, tell them you have a lot on your mind right now, they’d understand,_ a part of Isak tells him and he wants to scream back that it isn’t that easy. And there is, of course, the little detail that he _only_ forgot because his boyfriend was busy sucking his brains out of him through his dick apparently — he’s not sure how well that would go for him.

He tried it. He came out to the very first person ever just a couple of minutes ago. Because if there is someone who would never judge him, it’s Eskild. And it went well. Isak told him about Even and their thing and Eskild smiled at him, said how proud he is of Isak.

Until Isak fucked up.

Because _hey_ , he’s already disappointed his three best friends, why not add a fourth person to it that’s just as important, maybe even more important, to him?

_I’m not gay-gay like you, doing the whole gay thing_. Who says things like that? Even while uttering this, Isak already knew that it was just downright wrong but his brain to mouth filter didn’t seem to work so he word-vomited all over Eskild.

Eskild’s expression broke, not unlike Magnus’ earlier in the week, as he said, “There is no _gay thing_ I’m trying to do?”

It was like Isak was completely braindead, as if he could see the whole train wreck this conversation was in front of him and _still_ he steered another train right into the wreckage.

“You should be fucking careful with talking about and raising yourself above Gay Pride, Isak.”

Isak wanted to take it all back, knew how much of an asshole he was but Eskild brushed a hand over his face, clearly fighting tears and Isak was speechless.

He’s a fucking idiot.

Maybe he should start writing a list of people he has to apologise to — because they just seem to be getting more and more.

For several minutes, he just stares at the ceiling, mind blank and chest tight.

_I really need you right now_ , he texts Even. Isak usually doesn’t ask for much from people, or anything at all, but it feels a little easier with Even.

Not that he expects an answer. Not a quick one at least.

As if things didn’t look bad enough for Isak already, Even has gotten a little shifty since Wednesday, not showing up to school and answering Isak’s texts hours later if at all.

Isak misses his ridiculous memes and random film facts. He misses Even and it’s stupid because it’s only been a couple days but he’s having a miserable week and he could really use a hug right now.

And obviously he can’t ask Eskild for that because he’s upset him.

Any other time, Even would have answered him within minutes, seconds probably, because his phone is always by his side. Isak asked him the other day what he’s even doing on it if he isn’t on any social media and Even answered that there is always an opportunity for a great shot, movie or photo, so he needs to have his phone accessible at any moment. Which is great for Isak because he doesn’t have to obsess over Even taking forever to reply.

Except that he does take forever now.

When there’s nothing after forty minutes, Isak gets out of bed. He feels fidgety and sick. The constant urge to cry stinging his eyes.

Isak’s good at running. Has been running all his life. It started out innocently enough in his childhood when he was running away from the chaser during games of tag but quickly turned to him running to hide in his room when his parents started fighting constantly. Running even faster when his mother started hallucinating, saying words that frightened ten-year-old Isak endlessly and still terrify seventeen-year-old Isak when he thinks about it. He ran from girls and who he really is. And is technically still on the run from his fucked home life.

So Isak runs.

Slips into his shoes and runs away from the orange light spilling out from their living room, the hushed voices, the feeling of family that he couldn’t feel more excluded from than he does right now.

Within moments, his hands are ice cold and maybe he should have brought a coat on top of his hoodie but fuck this, he just needed to get out.

He starts actually running when metaphorically running doesn’t make breathing easier, when he feels like he’s suffocating because he’s back to feeling alone and helpless, just like he did before moving into the kollektiv, before meeting Even.

His face is wet and it’s not raining.

Angrily, Isak wipes the tears away, boarding a tram that will lead him who knows where.

It doesn’t really surprise him that he ends up at the bar where he first met Eskild. For a split second, he considers going in, flirting his way to free drinks as he’s done that night. But he has a boyfriend now — if Even isn’t ghosting him, which he sincerely hopes he isn’t — and there probably won’t be a lot of people willing to buy him drinks at just after five in the afternoon.

So he turns away from the bar, accepting that he won’t be able to drink his pain away. (Which never really worked anyway.) He has to keep running.

The physical exertion doesn’t turn off his brain like he thought it would. After running for a while, he feels his lungs burning as do his legs and his thoughts are still screaming at him.

All he can ever do is disappoint people.

First his father because it seems like he can never do anything to make him proud.

Then his mother when he just couldn’t bear her sickness anymore, running away from her, from the responsibility, from withering away in that house.

Now his friends. Jonas, Magnus, Mahdi, who he keeps lying to because he’s just so fucking scared. 

And the man who took him in when everything seemed hopeless because he just can’t keep his stupid mouth shut.

Isak breaks down, his knees giving out and he just crouches there on the ground, no idea where he is, and he gives up completely, lying down on his back and staring up at the sky, tears running down his cheeks.

He tries to take a few deep, steadying breaths but nothing helps. So he desperately grabs for his phone, hopelessly hoping he might have missed Even’s reply, an _I’m on my way. Where are you?_ but nothing. “Fuck you,” Isak sobs, “Fuckfuckfuckfuck. _Fuck_.” He’s not even directing it at Even. Just at himself for always ruining things.

After wiping his running nose on the sleeve of his hoodie, he taps at his phone until it’s dialling Even’s number. _Pleasepleasepleaseplease_. With every new beeping, Isak cries a little more. And then there’s his voicemail and Isak’s heart cracks a little more. “Even? I… I hope you’re okay. I just— I thought hearing your voice would make me feel better but you’re not picking up. I hope it’s not something I did but if it is, I’m really sorry. If it’s not, I hope you know you can talk to me? I’m here for you. I… I like you a lot, Even. Please be okay.” He’s not sure if Even will even understand what he’s saying through all the tears if he’s listening to his voicemail at all and he considers deleting the message again but hesitates a moment too long and then it’s out there and—

It hits him how important Even is to him, how much he wants him to really be okay even if that means, for some inexplicable reason, that he won’t be with him anymore. Isak can breathe a little easier, focusing his thoughts on his worry for his boyfriend, his own problems retreating to the background.

Before he knows it, he gets off the ground, locating the nearest tram stop on his phone. He has a purpose now.

Because Isak can’t believe that Even would just ignore him from one day to the other when what he feels whenever they’re together is so strong that Even just _has to_ feel it to. If Even doesn’t come to him, Isak will go to him.

It takes him almost an hour to get back to the right neighbourhood. Enough time to doubt his plan. Maybe he shouldn’t just show up at Even’s place. Maybe it will just add to the chaos in his life.

But he can’t really stop himself. He’s in front of the building, hesitating to ring the doorbell that reads _Bech Næsheims_ for all of three seconds before he does it.

Isak doesn’t expect it when the door suddenly swings open, revealing his gorgeous boyfriend in about a million layers, looking exhausted with dark rings under his eyes.

“Isak?” He says quietly, his eyes roaming Isak’s face and overall appearance and then his eyes widen and he steps into Isak’s space, hugging him tightly.

Isak clings to him desperately. They just stand like that for a long time. Isak is so relieved to finally have someone to hold him together, even more so that that someone is Even.

Even pulls him into the building eventually, not letting go, belatedly asking, “Do you want to come in?”

Exhaustion is catching up with Isak so all he can do is nod numbly, letting himself be guided up the stairs and into the flat. Warmth immediately seeps into him; the actual heat of the flat and the feeling of being in Even’s home. Safe.

“My parents are out for dinner,” Even tells him, assuming that Isak would want to hear that no one would know he’s here.

Except that Isak doesn’t care for anything right now than Even’s arms around him.

They go to Even’s room and in the quietness of it, Even wraps Isak up in his arms again, standing in the spot where they had their first kiss.

It takes a while but Isak speaks up in the end. “Where were you? Are you okay?”

Even squeezes him tighter, breathing heavily into his hair. His whispered words are barely audible, “I’m sorry. I had a shitty couple of days… lots of— stuff going on. My phone tends to overwhelm me sometimes so I turned it off. I should have told you. I’m sorry. I’m a shitty boyfriend.”

Isak’s heart lurches. He shakes his head, “You’re here now. That’s all that matters. Can I do anything to make you feel better?” Again, focusing on Even’s problems rather than his own seems to be the better option. He’s aware that he’s running again but it is what he does best after all.

Even takes his face in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “You’re the one who showed up here, crying. My stuff can wait until later.”

Isak doesn’t think that’s fair but the determination in Even’s eyes tells him there’s no room to argue. “Cuddles?” He murmurs meekly, because maybe when they’re in a safe cocoon in Even’s bed, it’s easier for them to talk.

Isak toes off his shoes and climbs the ladder to Even’s loft bed, cozying up under the duvet immediately in an attempt to unfreeze his limbs.

When Even joins him, it’s not a question of who holds who, it’s more a clinging to each other and giving each other closeness and warmth.

“What happened?” Even asks after a moment.

Isak sniffles a little into his hoodie but feels too drained to care about it. “I messed everything up.” Even holds him tighter and everything just pours out of him. His guilt about leaving his mother when she needed him, how he hates her at times even though he knows, _he fucking knows_ , none of this is her fault but he just felt and still feels so left alone all the time.

Even tries to hush him, mumbling sweet nothings and brushing his hands over his back in comfort, telling him quietly that it’s okay, no one should carry the burden of trying to care for their sick mother at such a young age. “You’re so brave, Isak,” He whispers fervently, “Please believe me. So fucking brave… like, moving out of your home at sixteen? Not a lot of people could do it. But you did. And I am so proud of you.”

Isak focuses on his breathing and the steady beating of his heart that isn’t rabbiting with fear and guilt anymore but with the reassurance that he has Even, that he’s here for him. “I still fucked things up with my friends and Eskild though. _Eskild_! How fucking stupid do you have to be to be rude to _him_?”

Even winces when he hears the details about that. “You’ve said the wrong thing because you internalised a lot of shit over the years and just didn’t know better,” Even sighs but he doesn’t let go of Isak, “But I think once you apologise to Eskild, it’s going to be okay. He’s your family. And I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who stays mad at someone for long if he sees how sorry that person is. He’s going to forgive you, Isak.”

Isak isn’t sure he can believe that. He just feels so miserable. “Can I stay here tonight?” He croaks, burying his face deeper against Even’s neck.

“Of course,” Even promises, “Anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comments and leave kudos if you liked it <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes up for the pain last chapter <3

**Lørdag 19:30**

**05.11.16**

Isak can’t do this. He’s running on nothing but caffeine and the guilt still brewing in his chest.

Waking up this morning was terrible after not having gotten more than a nap, maybe half an hour after the steady beating of Even’s heart had lulled him into a false sense of security.

And now he’s pacing the street in front of Jonas’, feeling nauseous and ready to faint. He has got to do it though, there’s no way around it if he doesn’t want to lose his friends.

Even told him he was sure that everything would turn out well and he did everything to calm down Isak’s nerves but when he offered to come with him here, Isak declined.

This is something he has to do on his own.

From the group chat that he doesn’t talk in right now because he’s sure the boys wouldn’t appreciate it, Isak knows that they’re having a pregame at Jonas’ house tonight so he decided to show up uninvited. Maybe some alcohol in his friends’ blood will make them more receptive to his apology. Isak sure could use some liquid courage.

Isak shakes his head, shaking himself out of it. He never again wants to feel like he did during that last week of hell so he quickly rings the doorbell. There’s no turning back now.

It seems to take forever that Jonas opens the door and Isak isn’t sure if he likes that or not. The wait surely doesn’t make his stomach ache go away. Not that it goes away when he’s looking straight at Jonas.

“Oh. Isak, hi,” He says, obviously taken aback by his best friend being there.

Isak stutters out a, “H-hi,” and then they’re just staring at each other quietly. Calculating on Jonas’ part maybe. Isak might be overthinking this but he doesn’t know how _not_ to.

The worst part might be that Jonas is not asking him in. Isak is pretty sure it’s visible on his face that he’s a fucking mess right now. Jonas usually never hesitates to let him in.

“You know,” Isak starts slowly. He has no idea how to do this. Maybe he should have practiced with Even like his boyfriend offered him to (but he refused because it seemed like the most ridiculous and unnecessary thing to come out to his fucking _boyfriend_ and anyway, Isak is pretty sure he couldn’t have imagined Even as Jonas — which would just be wrong on so many levels.) Isak clears his throat, trying to stop feeling and just do what he came here to do. It’s nearly impossible but he manages to get some words out anyway. “You know why I was acting so strange recently? Why I forgot Magnus’ birthday which I am so fucking sorry for?”

Jonas raises his eyebrows, realisation hitting him. He mutters, “You don’t have to apologise to me about that… you should tell Magnus. That was a pretty shit thing to do, bro.”

Isak nods almost frantically. He _knows_ that and he _will_ apologise but he has to talk to Jonas first. “I’m… seeing someone. I’m in a relationship,” He whispers and it’s simultaneously the hardest and easiest thing to do. He has no clue how Jonas will react which makes this so difficult but he’s sure of what Even and he have and he wants his best friend to know that he’s finally happy.

“Oh,” Jonas nods like he didn’t expect that and Isak guesses it makes sense that he’d think things got harder with Isak’s mother again — because that’s the lie he used. “With that Emma girl?”

Isak shakes his head, just barely able to conceal a grimace. Or maybe not, because a small smirk is playing on Jonas’ lips. “No, not Emma.”

Jonas hums in acknowledgement before asking, “Who then?”

“Guess.”

His best friend rolls his eyes but humours him. “Is it Vilde?”

“Vilde?” Isak’s eyes widen and he seriously can’t figure out where Jonas would get that idea from.

Jonas shrugs, “You seemed pretty into the kosegruppe stuff… I don’t know, maybe you wanted to impress someone?”

Well, Jonas isn’t that far off but Isak definitely didn’t want to impress _Vilde_. “Nei! It’s not Vilde,” He tells him and after taking a deep breath, his heart fluttering in panic, he admits, “It’s not a girl.” He holds his breath, waiting for his best friend’s reaction and every single horror scenario plays through his head. Every instance when Jonas didn’t stand up for him when Elias was making fun of him in the past.

There’s a moment of silence before Jonas smiles at him. “Figured. It’s that third year, isn’t it?”

Isak is taken aback. “What do you mean, you figured?” He asks quietly, gnawing on his bottom lip worriedly.

Jonas shrugged. “Bro, your crush on me was pretty obvious. I just didn’t say anything because I wanted to give you the time you needed,” He explains and he sounds so fucking chill about it.

Isak’s lips are slightly parted as he takes in that new piece of information. He can’t believe Jonas has known all this time and didn’t leave him — maybe he should have given his friend more credit than he did. “Oh, uhm. It’s— yeah, it’s Even,” He says belatedly because what else can he really say?

Jonas nods enthusiastically. “He seems like a cool dude. Handsome.”

“What?” Isak bursts into laughter because never in a million years would he have expected something like that to come from Jonas.

“You don’t think your boyfriend is handsome?” Jonas is clearly teasing now.

Isak is glad that it’s so cold outside that he can blame his blushing cheeks on that. He looks at the ground bashfully when he whispers, “No, he is. Very handsome.” He can’t help the smile forming on his lips.

They’re quiet for a moment before Jonas speaks up again, “Why were you scared to tell me?”

So apparently they are doing this properly, putting all the truths out there. Isak feels a knot in his throat again even though he feels lighter than he has in years. “Because of Elias. Because you were laughing every time he was being homophobic.”

Jonas takes a step back and Isak thinks he’s lost him after all but then his best friend comes closer again, suddenly engulfing Isak in an awkward hug. “I’m sorry,” He mumbles, “I know this means nothing right now but I really am. I was shitty last year and I hope you can forgive me. I’m very happy you’re finally happy with someone. And with yourself.”

If anyone ever calls him out on it, Isak will insist that his teary eyes are due to the biting cold. Jonas has no idea how his apology means _everything_ right now. Isak doesn’t know what to say but he doesn’t think he has to.

When Isak eventually pulls out of the embrace, Jonas smiles at him sheepishly, shuffling his feet a little. “Do you want to come upstairs? I’m sure the boys would like to see you!”

They probably don’t but Isak smiles because Jonas is trying. And Magnus and Mahdi are the second part of his plan anyway. “Okay.”

“Jonas,” Magnus cheers, prolonging the last syllable, “You’re back! What took you so long, bro? Who was at the door?”

It’s scary how quiet the room goes when Isak steps out from behind Jonas’ back, showing himself. “Hi, boys,” He mumbles quietly. What he’s about to do is still scary as fuck but at least he knows he has Jonas by his side through it. When he gets no reaction from them, except for Mahdi looking terribly affronted on behalf of Magnus while Magnus himself looks like he wants to just hug Isak and forgive him, Isak continues, “I’m sorry to interrupt. But I— I kinda want to tell you something important.”

The way he’s standing in the doorway, not sure if he’s allowed in when he already knows Jonas has forgiven him, is awkward. But at least his best friend stays right there by his side, squeezing his arm in reassurance.

“Magnus, I am so so sorry I forgot about your birthday. I’m awful and I promise, if you can forgive me, I won’t roast you for a whole week for the ridiculous shit you sometimes say,” He says solemnly.

His words melt Mahdi’s stoic expression and instead light his face up with a beaming smile and Magnus just blurts, “I missed you, bro!”

Isak relaxes a little. This goes quite well so far. But he isn’t done yet, “I also want to apologise to all of you for having been such a shitty friend in general recently. I had a lot of personal stuff to deal with… mostly with the fact that I am in love with a boy.” He freezes once the words are out. He’s not sure he’s ever said it out loud or even admitted it to himself that he’s in love with Even.

But he is.

So stupidly, irrevocably, _happily_ in love with his beautiful boyfriend.

“Wait— you’re gay?” Magnus blurts, then smirks when he asks with the tone of voice that suggests he already knows the answer, “Is it me?”

Both Mahdi and Jonas groan and Isak regrets promising to not roast Magnus for a week. This will be such a challenge. “It is not you,” Isak responds drily, “I’m in love with my boyfriend, Even Bech Næsheim.” It feels good to say it. There’s a stupidly large grin on Isak’s face when his eyes flit to Jonas briefly, who shoots him an encouraging smile.

Magnus’ pout upon realising the answer he expected didn’t in fact come vanishes the instance he hears the name. “ _Even_? Fy faen! He’s the coolest dude! Oh my god, can you introduce us? _Please_?”

The atmosphere in the room changes instantly and Mahdi chuckles, “Issy-K, keep an eye on your boyfriend, I think you’ve got some competition.”

Isak laughs in relief and rolls his eyes. “I’ve got some _convincing_ arguments that’ll make sure he stays with me,” He’s surprised how easily he can say this with his voice dripping with suggestiveness.

It’s quiet for all of a second before Jonas and Mahdi burst into laughter while Magnus rants about how amazing Even is.

And yeah, Isak laughs too.

“Are you staying? There’s this really cool party Mahdi will get us in later,” Jonas suggests when they’ve calmed down, “You can even invite Even! I’m sure Magnus will come in his pants when Even shows up here.”

Isak smiles. “I’d like to stay for the pregame,” He says because it feels like the right thing to do, “But I don’t think I can make the party. And Even is busy so he can’t make it.” Even’s not (in fact, he’s promised Isak to be sure to be there for Isak as soon as he needs him — if he does), but imagining Even here among his friends is just a bit much for tonight. And maybe Isak just wants them to himself for a little bit now that he doesn’t have to hide from them anymore.

 

The pregame lasts for about two hours and Isak has a really hard time not to insult Magnus for his insensitive questions about gay sex but Mahdi and Jonas are right there to make up for it.

So when Isak parts ways with them to go back to Even’s while they head to the party, he’s slightly tipsy and _very_ happy.

And when Even is right there, opening the door for him and peppering him with kisses and showering him in… _love_ , he feels like he’s floating. He lets himself have this for another hour before he pulls away from Even. He’s still on a mission.

He wanted to see Even for a little longer tonight but he decided a little before arriving at Even’s place that he’d spend the night in kollektivet. He needed a distractions-free zone.

“Do you really have to go?” Even pouts when Isak climbs down the ladder of Even’s loft bed.

Technically, Isak doesn’t but he should. He needs to prepare for his apology to Eskild.

There’s no way for Isak to stealthily grab something from Even’s belongings when the boy is staring right at him, drinking him in as if he’s scared this is the last chance he gets to see Isak. Isak doesn’t have another choice, though; he spotted the book earlier today and it seems to be the perfect reading material to educate himself.

He grabs the book titled _Frightening the Horses: Gay Icons of the Cinema_ and hides it behind his back, hoping Even wouldn’t call him out on it as he smiles innocently at his boyfriend while exciting the room backwards.

“What book did you take?” Even asks, because of course he would, eyeing Isak suspiciously.

Isak furrows his brow at him. “I didn’t take one.” He plugged it right off the shelf in clear sight of Even, the lie is kind of redundant. He’s willing to try anyway.

It’s a surprise when Even shrugs and says, “Okay. Just give it back, though.”

Isak melts. He has the best boyfriend in the whole wide world. “Promise.”

He’s almost out of Even’s room when he calls him back, “Kiss me again, Isak.”

Isak smiles, trying very hard to seem cool and collected when he darts back into the room and halfway up the ladder to press his lips to Even’s again, loving the way Even cups his face in his hands, brushing his thumbs softly against Isak’s cheekbones.

“Do you really have to go?” Even whispers hoarsely against his lips.

Isak nods, pouting slightly when he replies, “I do.”

For some reason, Even beams at him at that. “Okay. I’ll text you. Bye, babe.”

The pet name keeps him warm on the way back home and encourages Isak to power through the night reading the book so he can understand where Eskild was coming from when he scolded Isak and how much Isak actually hurt him with his uneducated words.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter.  
> It's pure fluff.  
> I hope you love it too.
> 
> <3

**Torsdag 20:20**

**10.11.16**

They’ve been at it for _hours_. Isak’s lips leaves another groan as he changes positions on the bed again, biting his lip as he looks at his boyfriend.

Pouting, when he doesn’t get the attention he expected.

“Eveeen,” He whines, pushing his math book over the edge of the bed and scooting closer to Even, nuzzling his nose against his neck before kissing him there softly a couple of times. He really doesn’t want to do more homework, not when he has his boyfriend right there and they could do so much more interesting things.

Even chuckles but keeps his eyes on his own book. He tilts his head a little to give Isak better access so Isak counts that as a win. This might not be hopeless after all. 

Tiny little mewls rush past his parted lips when Isak gets impatient, sucking bruises into Even’s skin and eventually, he yanks the book out of Even’s hands and places himself in his boyfriend’s lap. “Hi,” Isak grins, brushing his fingers through Even’s hair gently and touching their lips together in a soft kiss.

“We said we’d get some homework done,” Even reminds him but there’s no conviction behind his words.

Isak rolls his eyes. “We did! For _four_ hours! Can we do something fun now?”

Even pretends to contemplate that, letting himself be pulled into another kiss.

Isak giggles against his lips. He’s happy. It’s been a good week. He went through the whole book he borrowed from Even and didn’t feel as stupid anymore about his knowledge of gay culture but ten times worse about the things he had said to Eskild. And he told his roommate as much. As Even had predicted, Eskild forgave him quite easily and they had a long and emotional conversation that made the queasiness in Isak’s stomach disappear.

Things went back to normal and Isak couldn’t be happier — even when Eskild pestered him about meeting Even.

So far, Isak could avoid it. Even though they spend a lot of time in the kollektiv because Isak is kind of terrified of running into Even’s parents when they stay at his place for a longer amount of time, Eskild still hasn’t caught a glimpse of Even again. (However, it feels like both Eskild and Even get very impatient about meeting the respective other and honestly, Isak has no idea what he’s so fucking afraid of.)

“Okay,” Even concedes, nudging his nose against Isak’s while his eyes are crinkled up with happiness.

“ _Yes_!” Isak cheers, about to lean back in to kiss his boyfriend some more.

But apparently, Even has different plans. “Come on, I’ll take you on a date,” He announces, pushing Isak gently off his lap, still grinning when he gets out of bed even though Isak is pouting at him.

He’s not sure how he feels about a date; it sounds very public and Isak doesn’t know if he can do that yet. But he trusts Even, and knows he’d never do anything to hurt Isak. “What kind of date?” He asks anyway because he’s curious and impatient.

Even leans in to kiss him, pulling him off the bed. “Come with me and find out,” He says mysteriously.

So Isak does because he’d go anywhere Even asks him to.

They end up on Even’s bicycle with Even taking the front and Isak holding onto him this time.

After driving for a while, Isak just has to ask again, “Where are we going? Do _you_ even know?”

Even shoots a quick glance over his shoulder at him. “Relax, Isak. Do you always need a plan for everything?” He wonders, “Live in the moment a little!”

Isak’s life has thrown a fair share of unpleasant surprises at him so maybe having things planned is a security for him that is hard to give up. However, with Even, there’s been so many unexpected moments and he’s never hated a single one of them. He feels like he can be more daring, less scared with Even. He’s free with Even. So yes, maybe he can live in the moment right now, maybe he doesn’t need a plan for this second and he can just see where the night — and Even — takes him.

Isak buries his smile against Even’s back, squeezing his arms tighter around his boyfriend. He closes his eyes and feels the night rushing by, the solid weight of Even in front of him and the smell of his detergent in his nose.

There are words on the tip of his tongue that he’s never said to anyone, that he has never _felt_ for anyone and it hasn’t been nearly long enough for him to say them out loud to Even. But they’re there and they leave a warm feeling in Isak’s body.

Maybe that’s what makes Isak say, “Stop the bike.” He feels invincible and he wants to share it with Even. He wants to be reckless for him, _with_ him.

They’re in a quiet neighbourhood, no one in sight but maybe it wouldn’t have mattered either way.

When Even does as he’s told, a look of pure confusion on his face, Isak jumps down from the back of the bike and goes around it to stand in front of it, in front of Even. His hands fit over Even’s on the handlebars and his boyfriend looks down in surprise before his gaze shoots back up to meet Isak’s gaze.

Isak is smiling when he takes in Even’s beautifully puzzled face before he leans in, one hand reaching up to cup Even’s cheek and he presses their lips together.

It’s a chaste kiss. Isak tastes Even’s confusion in it and wonders if he can taste what Isak is feeling right now. Hopes it won’t scare him away if he does.

The moment seems to stretch on forever, both of them hesitant to part away from lips so kissable, already so familiar.

When they eventually do, they stay close enough that they almost wouldn’t have to move to go back to kissing.

Isak smiles, resting his forehead against Even’s, just staying in this moment for a while longer.

“Isak,” Even murmurs. Nothing more. No follow up, just saying his name.

And he doesn’t have to say more because Isak thinks he understands. What they have doesn’t need more words than that.

Even pecks his lips again before pulling away a little more to be able to properly look at Isak, his head slightly tilted and a gleaming in his eyes when his eyes dart around the area for a moment and he nods to himself. “I know what we’re doing,” He announces, “Hop back on.”

Isak does, wrapping his arms tightly around Even with his fingers splayed out on his stomach, pressing his dopey smile against Even’s spine.

They turn into a different road before Even comes to an abrupt halt seconds later, climbing off the bike and walking backwards toward the large house with a smirk on his lips. “Wanna go for a swim?”

“Huh?” Isak says ever eloquently, brow furrowed in confusion. But when his boyfriend just keeps grinning without explaining his intentions, he follows him anyway. By the time he makes it to where Even is crouching on the ground by a window, it opens with another quick twist.

Even raises his eyebrows. “Are you coming?”

Isak eyes him dubiously. He’s pretty sure this is considered breaking and entering. “Whose house is this?”

“Someone I know,” Even shrugs, completely unperturbed.

Isak is not sure if he likes this but he has to admit there’s excitement bubbling in his stomach. “And they won’t mind you using their pool?”

“ _Isak_ , come on,” Even almost whines, “They won’t mind _us_. Now, are you coming?” He’s already crawled halfway through the window.

Of course Isak follows once again. The room he lands in is white and big and the pool looks fantastic. If all the dates Even takes him on will end in them doing something illegal, though, maybe they shouldn’t go on more dates. (But who is he kidding really? Isak would rob a bank with Even if Even thought that was a good idea.)

Even is testing the temperature of the water, bent over and distracted so Isak grins to himself and in a stroke of genius pushes his boyfriend in. He’s full on belly-laughing when Even resurfaces, spluttering and a look of utter betrayal on his face.

“You did _not_!” He screeches but laughter is crinkling the corners of his eyes.

Isak lifts his eyebrows challengingly. “I think I did,” He replies cheekily, “How’s the water?”

Even wiggles his eyebrows, telling Isak, “Jump in and see for yourself.” It’s reminiscent of what he said to get Isak to join him on this date.

Isak grins, shaking his head. “I quite like being out here, _dry_.”

Even swims the the edge, his arm reaching out to wrap his fingers around Isak’s ankle. “What, you’re afraid of fucking up your hair?” Even teases.

Isak tries to shake his boyfriend’s hand off, paranoid that Even will somehow manage to pull him in like that. “I’m not scared of that!” He insists indignantly.

“Yeah right,” Even smirks, “I bet you won’t let chlorine touch your hair… only the purest water.”

Isak rolls his eyes, no idea where Even even got that idea from when he’s the one looking like he spends hours in front of the mirror to get those perfect quiffy swirls into his hair. “Fuck off!” Isak screeches, leaning down to push at Even’s shoulder.

Which, he should have seen it coming, doesn’t know why he didn’t, is a mistake. With a quick movement of his arm, Even manages to pull him into the pool; a shout leaves Isak’s throat before he goes underwater, swallowing some of it.

He comes back up, coughing violently and Even’s amused expression immediately turns into one of worry. “You okay? Please don’t die on me,” He begs.

Isak’s voice is hoarse when he croaks, “I think— some mouth-to-mouth might help.” His smirk is weak because he actually feels a little out of breath.

Even grabs him by the waist and pulls him close. When Isak holds onto his shoulders, Even slides his hands against Isak’s neck, brushing his thumbs against Isak’s jaw before going in for a kiss.

It’s ridiculous and maybe it’s the water in his lungs that’s made him stupid but Isak actually thinks the kiss makes breathing easier again. He starts reciprocating the kiss enthusiastically until Even pulls away, laughing when Isak chases after his lips, his eyes still closed.

“Isak, we’re in a pool.”

Isak’s eyes fly open so he can roll them at Even. “Don’t interrupt kissing me for stating the obvious!” He pouts, trying again to steal another kiss.

Even giggles adorably, pecking Isak’s cupid’s bow. “You know what would be epic? And would make me _really_ happy?” He whispers; the way his fingers curl around the wet locks at the back of Isak’s neck quite distracting.

“Tell me,” Isak encourages so hopefully they can get back to kissing quickly.

Even’s eyes are barely visible with how big he smiles and Isak’s heart bursts in his chest. His boyfriend is the most beautiful. “ _Romeo + Juliet_.”

He doesn’t say more and it’s embarrassing that Isak knows anyway what he’s talking about — because when he didn’t have anything but a short video of Even with his best friend he clawed to any little bit of information he could get about his crush, and ended up watching the Baz Luhrmann movie during one of his many sleepless nights.

Even is talking about Romeo and Juliet’s first kiss in the movie. Which just happened to have taken place in a pool.

“You’re ridiculous,” Isak mumbles but in his ears it sounds more like _I love you_.

They go back underwater at the same time, the chlorine stinging in their eyes as they keep them open, staring at each other. Isak goes in for the kiss first, smiling. He’s kissing his _boyfriend_ underwater in reenactment of an epic movie moment and he fucking enjoys being ridiculous with Even.

Breaking through the water’s surface in what must be a super dramatic move, they keep kissing until they’re out of breath and only panting into each other’s mouths, both of them wearing matching dopey smiles.

“Was this epic enough for you?” Isak teases, “Will you tell everyone that this was our first kiss now?”

The implication that Even would have the chance to tell people about them made him smile broadly, brushing a thumb against Isak’s eyebrow gently as he looks at him in awe. “Every kiss with you is epic, Isak,” Even whispers with shiny eyes.

The way home almost kills them; maybe going for a swim fully clothed in November when you still have to bike back home isn’t one of the best ideas. But their curses at the cold are interrupted by giggles and Isak pressing kisses against Even’s back while Even makes them lose their balance several times when he reaches behind himself just to touch his hand to any part of Isak he can reach.

After having snuck back into the kollektiv, they quickly disappear in the bathroom, getting out of their wet clothes and squeezing into the tiny shower because none of them is gentleman enough to let the other go first. So together it is. Maybe if they were less frozen, they could have given shower sex a try but in that moment, they’re just glad for the hot water raining down on them.

When they’re warm and cosy in sweatpants and double layers of hoodies and Isak wants nothing more than to curl up in bed and fall asleep with his head on Even’s chest (or Even’s head on his chest — he’s not particular), Even insists that they have a late dinner. “Because a real date has to include dinner!”

Isak huffs but smiles when Even laces their fingers and pulls him toward the kitchen. He just hopes there won’t be any nosy flatmates snooping.

Even makes them breakfast for dinner: scrambled eggs with toast. Isak didn’t think it’s possible but when the playlist Even started on his phone changes to the next song, Even lights up even more. “This song, oh my god!”

It’s ridiculous and embarrassing and Isak pretends he absolutely loathes Gabrielle but Even’s enthusiasm is contagious and Isak finds himself dancing along to Fem Fine Frøkner at almost midnight on a Thursday night and he can’t stop smiling.

“You’re the man of my life,” Isak whispers, nudging his nose against Even’s as their banter turns into something more serious. It’s not _I love you_ but maybe it’s better.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was suuuuper worried about this chapter but then the lovely Marta & Mack read over it and encouraged me to post it.
> 
> Check out Marta's amazing [art](https://mfrov95.tumblr.com/) and [fics](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vorfm95/pseuds/vorfm95) and Mack's brilliant [fics](http://archiveofourown.org/users/EvensDramaticShenanigans/pseuds/EvensDramaticShenanigans)!
> 
> So here it is. Sorry in advance.
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

**Tirsdag 03:17 — 10:59**

**15.11.16**

Sleep — because it doesn’t come naturally to Isak — is something he values deeply. Which is why he groans in annoyance when his phone wakes him up in the middle of the night; he must have forgotten to silence it after messaging his way into dreamland with Even.

Blindly, he searches for the offending device, set on shutting it off because whatever this is about can wait until the morning.

But he catches Even’s name lighting up the screen and suddenly he’s wide awake.

Even knows about his troubles with sleep and he would never compromise the possibility of a good night’s rest if it wasn’t important.

“Even?” He mumbles after picking up, he sounds groggy.

“I’m going crazy. I’m losing my mind and I don’t know how to stop it. Isak, I’m so scared. Please— I. I don’t know what to do, I can’t— I don’t want— I’m so fucking scared.” Even’s voice goes a million miles a second and Isak’s sleep-addled brain has a hard time catching up with the words.

But.

_I’m so fucking scared._

Isak sits up in bed and turns on the lamp on his bedside table. “Even— _Even_ , babe,” He tries to keep his voice level so that none of the panic he feels can seep into it. Even was there for him last week when he needed him so Isak would be strong for him now, whatever was going on. “Can you try to breathe? Take a couple deep breaths. Come on, we can do it together,” He encourages gently. Isak’s not sure if he can do much for Even over the phone but he figures getting him to calm down a little is a step in the right direction.

It’s quiet around them as Isak breathes in and out deep and steadily, making sure Even hears it so he can mirror him.

When he thinks Even is somewhat more calm, Isak murmurs, “Where are you?” He’s using the voice he sometimes used on his mother and he sincerely hopes that it works better with Even than it usually did with her.

First step: making sure Even is safe.

“I’m at home, in my room,” Even replies, he sounds so small and vulnerable. It breaks Isak’s heart.

Isak feels his shoulders relax a little. Even at home is a good thing. “Do you want me to come over?” Isak asks, already halfway out of bed to get dressed.

Even hesitates before bursting out, “No! I don’t want you to see me like this! I’m— I— no.” His voice gets louder again, more panicked.

“Okay. Even, I won’t come over,” He tries to soothe him while simultaneously putting on clothes anyway, the phone secured between his ear and shoulder. It hurts to know that Even thinks he can’t trust Isak completely. “Do you want to tell me what you’re scared of?”

He hopes the questions distract Even enough from the real fear. “It’s my brain. It’s fucked. I can’t trust it. I— why can’t it just leave me alone?” He sobs and hearing him silently cry is all Isak needs to pull open the door of his room. He almost forgets to put on shoes and a coat before he’s hurrying down the stairs and jumping on his bicycle to get to Even as quickly as possible.

Isak is helpless. He doesn’t know what Even needs to hear in situations like these. Isn’t even sure _what_ situation this is. And anyway, he sucks at those things — never managed to be any help to his mother, possibly just making it worse. But he’s not going to give up. Not with Even. “I think your brain is beautiful. It’s just as beautiful as everything else about you,” He whispers, tears stinging his eyes. He’s pedalling harder to get to his boyfriend faster.

“No, no, no, no,” Even babbles, “You don’t. You won’t once you see me lose it.”

Isak shakes his head before remembering that Even can’t see him. “Even, nothing could change the way I feel about you. Man of my life, remember? I meant that. I _mean_ it.” He’s at Even’s place. Haphazardly, he leans his bicycle against the wall of the building before murmuring, “Open the door, Even.”

It’s surprising that Even doesn’t protest. The door opens a moment later and Isak doesn’t hesitate a second to wrap Even up in his arms. He seems smaller like this, burying into Isak willingly and easily. Isak hooks his arms tightly around Even’s shoulders, one hand curling at the nape of Even’s neck. Gently, he steers them inside like this and up the stairs. It’s a miracle that they manage to get to Even’s room safely.

They end up in Even’s bed with Isak still securely holding his boyfriend to his chest. “Do you want to tell me what exactly is going on? I’m really worried about you, Even,” He whispers into the darkness.

Even fidgets in his embrace as if he wants to get out of it; flee. Isak knows that feeling all too well. He holds him closer. Eventually, Even stills again, taking a deep breath. “I— I changed my meds a couple weeks ago and it’s— it’s fucking me up, Isak. I can’t have another episode like at— when I was at Bakka. I wouldn’t survive it.”

Isak’s heart aches.

Before he can get in a word, Even continues, “I can’t sleep. My thoughts are racing… I talked to my therapist, I’m basically on the phone with him 24/7 right now— and I’m sorry that I’m so fucked up that I left you hanging last week because of that— and he said it’s normal, that I’m not necessarily going into an episode but— Isak, I’m so scared.”

Isak can’t do anything. He knows he can’t and it’s too much. He just wants to take the pain away from Even. “Don’t apologise for that, I mean it. You have nothing to be sorry for… taking care of yourself comes before taking care of me,” He murmurs, gently brushing hair out of Even’s face and pressing a kiss to his cheek and then nose. He just hopes it’s enough.

“I don’t deserve you,” Even breathes.

Isak shakes his head vehemently. This is so not true. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” He promises, he’s never been more honest, “I want you to know that. I want you to realise that you’re making me a better person, I like myself more because of you.” He doesn’t say that it’s him who doesn’t deserve Even because it’s not a healthy thing to think. Isak just wants Even to realise that maybe they’re both good for each other.

In a whisper, Even admits, “I like myself more because of you too.”

A faint smile steals its way on Isak’s lips and he squeezes Even closer. They don’t speak for a while and only the rustling of the sheets can be heard whenever Even gets more restless again — which is a lot. Eventually, Isak suggests, “Do you want me to tell you a story?” There’s a chance that if Even is listening to Isak talk, his own brain might shut down for a bit, maybe enough for him to fall asleep for a couple of hours.

“Okay,” It’s barely audible but it’s there.

So Isak tells him about the time he and Jonas went to the skatepark drunk and it was the best night of their lives even though they woke up with a million bruises the next day because it is, in fact, not a great idea to try and use a skateboard while intoxicated.

Isak’s hand brushes Even’s arm and back gently as he recounts more stories, all of them happy, ridiculous little adventures of his that he hopes help Even relax. It’s the middle of the night and they have school in the morning and it would have been a night that Isak had gotten enough sleep but Isak doesn’t stop talking until Even’s breathing evens out eventually, at around six in the morning, his whole body going limp as the tension leaves him. And even then, Isak stays awake, carding his fingers through his sleeping boyfriend’s hair, making sure he stays asleep in hopes that when he wakes up again, he’ll feel better.

The worry — and yes, also curiosity — is enough to keep Isak awake even though he’s in that strange place of being half-awake and half-asleep. His hand never ceases to caress Even as his eyelids grow heavier and he’s trying to put the puzzle pieces together in his mind. But he’s not experienced enough with mental illnesses to pinpoint what exactly it is that Even is suffering from. Isak is pretty sure it’s something different from his mother’s paranoid schizophrenia but that’s about where his guessing ends.

“I’m sorry.”

Isak startles at that. He didn’t expect to hear his boyfriend’s croaky voice. He squeezes Even’s shoulder and plants a kiss on the crown of his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” He assures him quietly.

Even wriggles around uncomfortably until Isak’s arm drops on the mattress and he moves so that they’re facing each other. Even’s face is still blotchy from the crying and there are dark circles under his eyes but he looks a little more rested than last night.

That can’t be said about Isak.

Even’s brow is furrowed as he brushes his thumb against the soft, purple skin under Isak’s eyes. “I stole the opportunity of sleep from you,” He whispers.

Isak shakes his head stubbornly, scooting closer to nudge Even’s nose with his. “You weren’t feeling well. How are you now?”

There’s always the chance of lying. Isak has learned to look out for the signs when his mother started giving them to him. But Even says, “A little better, I think.” It’s the truth.

A sigh of relief leaves Isak’s lips. He’s glad that Even is honest with him (realises it might not always be like this but he’ll deal with that when they get there). “Okay.” He pecks Even’s lips carefully.

“I’m—“ Even laughs humourlessly, “It’s a surprise that I— you made me fall asleep. Thank you.”

A small smile pulls on Isak’s lips. It feels good to know he wasn’t completely useless to Even. “Anytime,” He promises just like Even promised him a couple days ago.

They’re quiet for a long time, just looking into each other’s eyes and getting lost in them.

“You make my mind quiet down,” Even mumbles at some point, fingers gently fluttering against Isak’s cheek. He looks at Isak in wonder. “I was able to sleep. Do you have any idea what that means?”

Isak doesn’t. He shakes his head but doesn’t say anything.

Even nods in understanding and then explains, “Keeping to a sleeping schedule is really important for me. It gives me the— stability I need to stay… uhm, to stay sane. Most of the time at least. So when I can’t sleep… I know something’s off. And then I just get all up in my head and panic like I did yesterday.”

“I’m really glad I could be there for you then,” Isak says but it feel insignificant and stupid. He’s out of his depth here, doesn’t know what’s the right thing to say.

The silence between them stretches on while Isak frantically wonders how he can ask Even what exactly his illness is without coming off as rude — he has a track record of wording things wrong and he definitely doesn’t want to mess this up when it’s so important.

Even turns away from Isak, staring up at the ceiling instead. His Adam’s apple is bobbing when he swallows thickly, his eyes darting around the room nervously. And then he whispers, “I’m bipolar.”

Isak stops breathing for a moment. The confession came unexpected and even though he wanted to ask, he’s not sure now that it’s out there, that he’s prepared for it. He’s done plenty of research about his mother’s mental illness so he knows some things about bipolar disorder but not nearly enough. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to react. “I’m sorry,” He mumbles, scooting closer to Even again and pressing his face against Even’s neck. His lips are moving against Even’s skin when he continues, “I’m sorry that you have to go through that. And I’m sorry that I’m shit with words and have no idea what’s appropriate to say. But I hope you know that this doesn’t change anything. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, Even.”

It’s apparently somewhat of the right thing to say because Even heaves a deep sigh, relaxing slightly. He turns his body back to Isak, wrapping his arm around him. With his face buried in Isak’s curls, he whispers, “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

Isak would like to protest. If he means to Even only a fraction of what Even means to him, he has a pretty good idea. Instead of saying that, Isak just kisses him.

And kisses him.

And kisses him.

They should have been in school for two hours already but Isak doesn’t care. He’d probably have fallen asleep anyway and he doesn’t think Even feels up to going to school today. “Hopefully this doesn’t fuck up our 10 %,” Isak mumbles against Even’s lips.

“Hopefully it doesn’t fuck up _your_ 10 %,” Even amends, “I’m kind of getting special treatment… advantages of being mentally ill.” His face is somewhere between a self-deprecating laugh and a grimace. He sighs, searching Isak’s face for something that he possibly finds because he says, “I thought about… I mean, you can say no, I wouldn’t be mad or anything. I’d understand if you didn’t—“

Isak furrows his brow. He interrupts his boyfriend because it seems like he’s overthinking whatever he wants to ask too much, “Even. Hey, what is it? Tell me.”

Even fixates a spot on the wall above Isak’s shoulder. “I’m seeing my therapist later and uh, I thought maybe you wanted to come? I told him a lot about you already and he’d really like to meet you and… if— maybe— it could,” He clears his throat awkwardly, “If you have any questions about… me. That you don’t feel comfortable talking to me about. You could ask him. I wouldn’t— mind that.”

Something lurches in Isak’s heart. He smiles hesitantly, a tad overwhelmed, and searches for Even’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I’d like to meet him too,” He says earnestly, pressing a quick kiss against Even’s cheek. He’s terrified; of course he is, this is such a big deal, but _because_ it is a big deal he knows he can do this.

Their little safe bubble bursts a couple minutes later when there’s a knock at Even’s door. “Even, sweetie? Are you awake? Can I come in?”

“My mamma,” He mouths at Isak and then tells her, “I’m awake. Please don’t come in.” There’s worry shining in his eyes as he looks at Isak.

A pause and then Even’s mother replies, “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

Even barely suppresses a groan. “Mamma, I’m jerking off,” He calls back bluntly.

“Oh, uhm. I’m sorry. Okay.”

Then there’s silence until Isak can’t hold the giggles in anymore.

“Shut up,” Even whines but he’s looking at Isak fondly, “I couldn’t think of anything else. She’s seen me not doing well for the last week or so and she gets overbearing when that happens. This was the only way to get her off my back.”

Isak raises his eyebrows, teasing, “Must be great to get a free pass out of school to jerk off.”

For a second he regrets saying this, worries he’s taken it too far, but then Even’s eyes crinkle and he laughs. “Oh my god, Isak.”

“I can’t believe you told your mum you were jerking off… what will she think when she sees me?” Isak chuckles.

Even freezes. “You want to meet my mamma?” He asks quietly.

Isak feels his heart speeding up. He hasn’t put a lot of thought into this but it feels like the right thing anyway. “I’d love to meet her,” He confirms, smiling softly at Even.

They get dressed and sneak into the bathroom to brush their teeth, making grimaces at each other in the mirror and it almost feels like it could be a normal morning but Isak finds himself eyeing Even curiously every few minutes to see any signs of him still feeling unsettled. (He has a feeling Even is great at putting on a mask — he makes a mental note to remember to ask Even’s therapist about this because he doesn’t want to be overbearing and controlling but he also doesn’t want to give Even the feeling that he has to pretend to be fine in front of Isak when he really isn’t.)

Before they go into the kitchen where Even’s mother is, Even pulls Isak close, hugging him. “Thank you for being you.” His voice is muffled in Isak’s hair but Isak still understands him perfectly clearly.

Isak wants to say it again, it’s thrumming in his veins but it’s been less than a month so he keeps quiet, nuzzling his nose against Even’s neck and pressing a kiss there. Maybe that says it all.

The way Even looks at him when they pull apart suggests that it does. “Nervous?” He asks.

Isak shakes his head, then shrugs. He might be a little nervous but if Even’s mother brought such a wonderful human being into this world, she must be just as amazing. And Even holds onto his hand which gives him strength enough.

The woman by the stove is tall, almost as tall as Isak, with her hair that has the same colour as Even’s in a messy bun. She doesn’t turn around when she hears them enter, “Good morning, Even. How are you feeling?”

“Better,” He tells her, his eyes not leaving Isak as he tries to gauge how he’s feeling.

“That’s great. You took your meds? Don’t forget to have Maks give you the new prescription. Your—“

Even interrupts her, cheeks tinted a faint pink, “Mamma. Uhm— this is Isak.”

She turns around so swiftly that it’s a surprise she doesn’t fall over. “Oh. _Oh_! Isak! Hello. Hi! I’m Dana,” She stutters, clearly taken aback.

Isak smiles at her bashfully, stretching out his hand to greet her properly. “Nice to meet you!”

Her eyes suddenly widen, darting from Even to Isak and back. “So when you said… _oh_. Oh my— earlier you were—“

Even quickly cuts her off again, face now completely red, “No, no, no. I just said that to keep you from coming in. We weren’t doing… _that_. No.”

If it weren’t so awkward, Isak would have probably laughed at the situation. (He told Even that it wasn’t a good idea to say he was jerking off after all.)

The atmosphere turns more relaxed quickly as they sit down for breakfast, Dana asking Isak all kinds of questions about himself while simultaneously managing to throw in questions at her son that aren’t too intrusive about how he’s feeling.

She seems very surprised when Even announces that he’ll take Isak with him to see Maks later but then a soft smile appears on her face, her eyes sparkling happily.

It just confirms that this is something special and Isak can’t quite believe that Even puts so much trust in him. He makes a promise to himself right there that he’ll work hard to keep that trust every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought in the comments!  
> I promise next chapter will be nothing but fluff (and a little bit of sexy times) - but I don't know when I'll be able to post. I hope soon.  
> Thank you for reading <33


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said there'd be a little bit of smut? .... Yeah, me neither.  
> This chapter is completely self-indulgent at 16k and there is loads of smut - on the bright side, there's also lots of fluff. Only fluff really.
> 
> I realised that I posted the first chapter on 21 October... which means if I posted this tomorrow, it would have been exactly a month. I also considered posting it on Saturday so it would be the same date, except a year later... buuuut I love you guys so fuck that. ❤︎
> 
> I want to thank my cheerleading squad over at Skamfiction, you're the best friends anyone could hope for. Special thanks to Marta for reading over the beginning and leaving me the best comments that made me smile so fucking big. Another thank you to Paula for just being amazing - there's something for you in this chapter, I think you'll realise what it is ;)

**Fredag 15:15**

**25.11.16**

Meeting Maks was an interesting experience to put it lightly. Isak had had no idea what it would be like to actually meet Even’s therapist; he doesn’t think he’d even ever seen a therapist in real life before but it definitely wasn’t like what he’d expected.

Here’s a thing about going to a therapist that Isak didn’t realise before: it can actually help.

The beginning of the appointment was mostly smalltalk. Or at least it seemed like it with Maks asking easy enough question that still made Isak feel like he was being judged and assessed. He was glad for Even’s hand in his through all of it even though his boyfriend must have noticed how disgustingly sweaty his palm was.

The smalltalk turned into Maks asking about Even’s state of mind interspersed with careful explanations for Isak. Slowly, the anxiety Isak was feeling subsided until Even suggested that he could wait outside so Isak could speak with Maks alone.

And then Isak was alone with the therapist and he suddenly didn’t know what words were anymore.

Luckily, Maks doesn’t have a degree for nothing so he eased them into a conversation that made Isak feel more comfortable again and he tentatively asked questions about bipolar disorder and mental illnesses in genera, the topic changing to his mother suddenly and in the next moment, Maks, in a cliched movie moment, pushed a box of tissues into his hands.

Isak left the office feeling surprisingly relieved. He wasn’t completely clueless anymore about how it is to live with a mental illness — not that he’d ever fully understand it because he isn’t going through it — and Maks encouraged him to _communicate_ with Even whenever he’s unsure how to handle a certain situation. And to communicate with his mother.

Meeting the therapist pushed Isak into motion. He came out to his father the next day — passive-aggressively, sure, but he did come out when Terje asked for the millionth time if Isak planned to join him and his mother for some Christmas concert.

Isak also left the office with an appointment to meet Maks again. This time to focus completely on himself and his issues and not on Even.

And now he’s sitting in Kaffebrenneriet, contemplating what to text his mother because his father seems to be so sure that “she won’t be able to handle you being with a boy. You know how she gets. But you know, it’s great that you have a boyfriend.” Terje can shove his faux support up his ass.

Isak remembers Sana’s apology for when she said homosexuality was a genetic death end. He remembers the look in her eyes, the _I’m sorry. I have you figured out Isak Valtersen but you don’t have to tell me. Just take my apology_. And he remembers once again tanking it when he asked about Islam and what they think about homosexuality but she gave him the best answer he could have hoped for and didn’t comment on how his eyes turned glassy or how he tried to wipe them surreptitiously when class started.

So that’s what he tells his mother.

That all people are equal in God’s eyes and he hopes he isn’t making her sad.

Before he can obsess over receiving a reply, there’s a knock on the window and he looks up to see the smiling face of his gorgeous boyfriend. Even tilts his head a little and they just smile at each other for a moment.

When Even breathes on the window to draw a heart with an _i + e_ in it and shoots him a fucking sexy wink, Isak feels the tension seeping out of him. He forgets about his mother and what she might think of him now — if she’s lucid enough to even understand what he told her — and scrambles out of his seat to meet his boyfriend outside.

It’s a little ridiculous how Isak notices the burgundy beanie and the khaki coat Even is wearing, which match Isak’s own red snapback and jacket. It might be a coincidence but it makes Isak feel warm that they unintentionally, subtly look like they belong together.

“Halla,” Even greets him, his smile so happy it’s hard to believe it’s for _Isak_.

Isak returns the _halla_ with just as big of a smile, a fluttering in his stomach. He’s so relieved to see Even like this again after he’s been so worried and high-strung all of last week.

Even goes in for a kiss and there’s a part of Isak that wants to kiss him out in the open but it’s like an instinct to turn his head away, smile turning awkward. He can barely meet Even’s eyes then, too embarrassed with his own fear. It shouldn’t matter what everyone else thinks, they’re just strangers who he’ll never see again; everyone who matters knows about him now. And they have accepted him. (Everyone but his mother, though he’s not even sure if she really matters; is she really more than a stranger to him? He hasn’t spoken to her in almost a year.)

It’s a relief when Even’s still smiling. They remain standing close, just outside KB, and if Isak wanted — were brave enough — he could close the gap between them and show the world how proud he is of his boyfriend. But he doesn’t.

Instead he asks, “Are you keen on coming back to my place?” The kollektiv is safety and home, where he can be whoever he wants. One day, sometime soon hopefully, he’ll be strong enough to be unapologetically himself in public too, knowing Even will be by his side no matter what life throws at them.

“No, I’m not.”

For a second, Isak’s heart stops. Maybe he fucked this up after all. It wouldn’t be the first time.

But his worry is quickly quashed when Even says, ever so slowly because he has a tendency for the dramatic, “I… want to check into a fucking… suite.”

Isak’s voice is laced with confusion when he asks, “A suite?” It feels like he’s missing essential information here.

“Yeah,” Even simply says before crossing the street and Isak just has to follow him.

They walk through the city, close enough to each other that their hands are brushing against one another’s almost constantly but Even never does anything to breach what Isak’s comfortable with even though Isak feels his own hand twitching to just hold on to Even so he can only imagine what Even must feel like.

Isak tries to wrap his head around the fact that, apparently, his boyfriend arranged some hotel room for them. There’s something hot coiling in his stomach; he knows what it usually means to check into a hotel with your boyfriend — he’s seen enough movies and he’s pretty sure Even knows exactly what it’s implying.

“See it as some kind of thank you,” Even tells him out of the blue after they’ve been walking for about twenty minutes, “For putting up with me. And like… all of last week. I’m really glad you were there for me, it made it a whole lot easier.”

At that, Isak reaches out and squeezes his arm for a moment. “You don’t have to thank me for that. You’re taking care of me when I need you and I’ll take care of you. That’s what boyfriends do,” He mumbles, sheepishly looking at the ground.

Even beams at him. “Boyfriends also make big romantic gestures so here we are,” He opens his arms as if presenting something grand and when Isak looks around, he realises that it _is_.

Really fucking huge.

“This is the Radisson Blu, Even!” He says, his voice sounding flat with how dumbfounded he is. This can’t be real.

Even wiggles his eyebrows. “Are you impressed?”

If Isak’s impressed? It’s been a month that he’s been together with Even, this feels like a horrifyingly huge and _expensive_ thing to do for your boyfriend of _one_ month. Isak is not sure he wants to imagine what’s in store for him once they’ve been together for a year. “Even…” Is the only thing he manages to get out as he looks up at the towering glass building.

“I take that as a yes,” Even smirks, walking backwards to be able to look at Isak as they approach the entrance.

Finally, Isak gets some words out. “Even. This must have cost a fortune!”

Even scrunches up his nose cutely and stops in his tracks. He has that look on his face that tells Isak he wants to kiss him stupid. Isak realises that he’s giddy with excitement at the prospect of that — because as over the top as it may seem, he’s buzzing with anticipation at spending the day in a hotel with his boyfriend. “It’s okay, I saved up for it,” Even tells him with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

Being cocky and proud of himself like that looks fucking hot on him. Isak has to avert his gaze to not jump Even right there on the square. “You must have saved money for years then,” He muses because apparently, he wants to torture himself with conversation instead of just accepting that _Even got them a fucking suite at the Radisson Blu_ for nothing more than to kiss all day and night while feeling fancy as fuck.

Or maybe a little more than just kissing.

Even winks at him. “Maybe I did. Maybe I wanted to be prepared for when I got the man of my life.”

Isak feels a blush rising in his cheeks. He’s called Even the man of his life before and it’s the whole truth, Isak has never been more sure of anything else, but hearing Even call him that is on a whole other level. “Did you really?” He croaks because focusing on the less important part seems to be the only option right now for him to remain cool.

Even walks back toward him, crossing the distance between them. He’s about to cup Isak’s face in his hands when he remembers that they’re still outside. “What do you think?” He wants to know, challenging.

This, Isak can do. Banter he can do instead of spilling his feelings right there. “I’m not sure,” He admits, a slow smirk spreading on his face, “I kinda believe it but I also have hope you’re not _that_ extra.”

Even’s jaw drops. “Not that extra?” He raises his hands to his heart, “You hurt me, Isak.”

Isak pushes him, laughing. “Are we going to check into that fucking suite or what?” He asks then because he really just wants to get behind closed doors already to get his hands on his boyfriend.

When they walk into the lobby, Isak can’t stop staring. It’s insane how fancy the hotel is. He also can’t stop staring when Even, always the charmer, starts flirting with the receptionist, bombarding her with questions about Denmark as soon as he realises she’s from there. Isak just smiles because Even is so happy, which makes his heart feel so _full_.

“That’s my boyfriend,” Even tells the receptionist eventually, putting an arm around Isak.

Isak looks at the ground bashfully. She is the first person, the first stranger, to know. It’s not as bad of a feeling as he thought it would be. Maybe it’s easier because they’re checking into a room together and she probably knows very well what they’re up to.

“Isn’t he beautiful? _My_ beautiful,” Even hums and if Isak weren’t so fucking gone for this boy, didn’t feel like he’s exploding with love, he’d be embarrassed how _in the face_ Even is with their relationship to a woman who’s just trying to do her job.

When they have their keycards, they walk to the elevators hand in hand because the receptionist knows about them — _everyone_ in the hotel lobby right now knows about them because it’s so obvious — and once they’re going up, up, up, Isak steps close to Even, pressing his chest to Even’s and just revelling in the intimacy of the moment before he averts his gaze, looking outside.

The view is incredible.

This day is incredible.

_Even_ is incredible.

“Aren’t you glad I’m your boyfriend?” Even grins, nodding at the city beneath them, getting smaller and smaller the higher up they go. (Apparently, Even is all for doing things in style, not settling for a normal room but actually booking a junior suite.)

Isak turns away from the glass front to smile at his boyfriend. “I am. But you booking this hotel suite has nothing to do with that,” He tells him truthfully.

Even’s teeth sink into his bottom lip but that does nothing to smother the huge smile on his face. “You’re such a smooth fucker, aren’t you, Isak Valtersen?”

Isak raises his eyebrows at him, not replying to that. He wraps his arms around Even instead, and captures his lips in a kiss.

It escalates a little bit from there. Isak isn’t sure who deepens the kiss but suddenly there are hands sneaking under coats and hoodies to grasp at warm skin and they’re not even in their room yet. The elderly, posh-looking couple that they encounter when they stumble out of the elevator, still attached to each other, does not seem impressed.

They crash into the door to what Isak supposes is their room and Even barely lets Isak get away from him to clumsily get the door to open. The way Even kisses down Isak’s neck while he’s fumbling with the keycard and the way they’re giggling and breathless feels like they’re about to enter the honeymoon suite.

(Isak has the ridiculous thought that he doesn’t mind that day coming as quickly as possible if it means he feels like this with Even.)

They stumble into the room and then kind of forget kissing because— “Holy shit! This suite is _huge_!” Isak knew it would be unbelievable but this is just beyond any expectations. He links his fingers with Even’s as he goes farther into the suite, looking around in awe.

There’s a separate living area and a bedroom and when he peeks into the bathroom, he holds his breath because there’s a fancy bathtub that he definitely wants to make use of during their stay here.

He’s still gaping at the room when Even catches his attention, “Look at this.” He holds up a bottle of champagne.

“Ayyy,” Isak smirks, expression turning more fond when Even takes off his backpack and coat and falls down on the bed, bouncing a little as he spreads out like a starfish, gazing at the ceiling.

Isak mirrors him, getting rid of his bag and jacket as well. He leans against the doorframe comfortably, asking, “Whatever would we do all day in a suite like this?” His voice dropped an octave and he’s hyperaware of how suggestive he sounds.

Even props himself up on his elbows, slightly oblivious when he suggests, “Well, we have champagne and we can order room service. There’s also this super fancy bathtub we should try. Just relax, you know…”

It seems almost a little _too_ casual and Isak wonders if that means they’re on the same page. At least that thought makes him a little more at ease when he pulls something from the pocket of his jeans, holding it up. “Or… we could make use of this.” He wiggles his eyebrows and sounds all around confident when really, his heart is fluttering in his chest and it feels hard to breathe.

The moment Even realises that the small square is a condom, his eyes widen comically.

Isak gulps. It’s not like he’s been perpetually thinking about having sex with Even — going farther than they did before — but with a boyfriend this hot and with everything they’ve already done, it has crossed his mind several times. And apparently, he wasn’t the only one because a couple days ago, Eskild cornered him in their kitchen, pressing the small foil package into his hand with the words, “Now that you have a gorgeous as fuck boyfriend, I want you to be safe, baby gay. I know what feelings might arise looking at that beau of a man and I just want you to be prepared.”

Isak has never wanted to die of embarrassment more than in that second. But he’s kept the condom in his jeans ever since (and after that awkward talk he might have jerked off furiously to the thought of going all the way with Even.)

“Faen,” Even breathes, falling back on the mattress.

Isak smirks to himself as he pushes off the doorframe and goes over to pop the champagne open, pouring the golden liquid into two glasses and carrying them over to the bed. He plants himself down on Even’s thighs and his boyfriend lifts himself up again to take the glass from Isak. “To us,” Isak mumbles, biting his lip as he clinks glasses with Even.

“To us,” Even echoes.

They drink, both of them making grimaces because it’s not really their preferred drink no matter how expensive this specific one is, and then Isak scoots back a little so Even can sit up properly. Isak smiles at him and pulls the beanie off Even’s head, carding his fingers through his hair.

And then they kiss.

Isak’s mind is still functioning enough to take their glasses and put them on the bedside table before he pushes Even back on the bed with every intention to make their stay here memorable. “I can’t believe you got us a hotel suite,” Isak mouthes along Even’s jaw, down to his neck.

What’s the appropriate time to wait before getting his boyfriend naked without seeming desperate?

“I really like you, Isak,” Even breathes, Isak’s name ending in a moan when Isak starts sucking a bruise against his Adam’s apple.

Isak falters. There’s a possibility that his horny teenage brain makes him so delirious that he reads more into those words than they are but maybe Even actually means what Isak thinks he does.

_I love you too._

Even’s hands glide over his back until they’re at the hem of his sweater; he doesn’t hesitate to slip them under to touch at Isak’s bare skin, fingers splaying out across his lower back.

Isak doesn’t give a fuck anymore. So what if he’s desperate? He has the world’s hottest boy under him who’s coincidentally also his boyfriend, he’s fucking allowed to be desperate. He pulls away to scramble out of his sweater, discarding it carelessly on the ground.

It’s amazing how Even still gapes at his naked chest, looking in awe as if he’s seeing Isak like that for the first time. Isak is so fucking in love. He leans back in to kiss Even again, impatiently pushing Even’s woollen sweater up his chest, exploring but unwilling to part from Even’s lips so he can get rid of his sweater.

Even tastes like the cold outside but also of warmth and comfort. Like adventure and home. Anticipation and contentment. Isak gasps into Even’s mouth when it hits him again how much he wants, needs, loves Even. It’s burning at the tip of his tongue to tell him.

He’s going to show him instead.

Even’s tongue brushes against his upper lip before he deepens the kiss and Isak feels dizzy with it. He doesn’t understand how Even can make him feel like he’s worshipping him with just his mouth.

They’re somewhere between desperately craving kisses and too delirious already to do more than breathe into each other’s mouths, a mess of teeth and tongue. One hand covers Even’s ribs, the skin on skin contact burning so that Isak almost wishes it would leave a mark behind; the fingers of his other hand flutter against Even’s stomach before he’s going farther down, blindly opening the belt and Even’s jeans.

In an unrefined movement, Isak shoves his hand down his jeans, smiling against Even’s lips when he feels his hard bulge over his boxer shorts. 

Even whines into his mouth, his hips jerking into the touch. “More,” He breathes.

Isak sucks on his plush bottom lip, eliciting the most gorgeous moan from Even.

“Touch me, Isak, touch me,” Even babbles. Isak might never get over how wrecked his name can sound coming from Even’s lips.

Without breaking the kiss, they get Even to wriggle out of his jeans and boxer shorts. “I’m touching you,” Isak promises. The way their tongues slide together in the next second leaves Isak panting and then he’s holding Even in his hand for real.

The glide is a little too dry to be comfortable and for a moment, he panics that even if they decided to go all the way, they _couldn’t_ because they forgot the fucking lube but his mind goes blank when his thumb brushes against Even’s tip and there’s enough precome gathered there to make at least this handjob pleasurable.

Even though they’re still breathing into each other’s mouths, it can barely be considered a kiss and when both of them say, “You feel so fucking good,” at the same time, they dissolve into breathless giggles.

“Gosh, I love you, Isak,” Even breathes, the smile still in his voice and so much admiration it leaves Isak dizzy. “And it’s not because of your hand on my dick,” He adds as an afterthought.

Isak can’t help laughing, as if prompted giving Even’s dick a tug. He feels so full and giddy. All this time he’s been worrying that it’s too early to say those words, Even’s felt it too and rationally, he _knew_ that but he’s beyond the best kind of happiness to hear him say it first. With his unoccupied hand, he reaches for Even’s face, brushing his thumb against his cheekbone. He looks into Even’s eyes and sees the stars shining in them like he can imagine they do in his too. This is magic. 

“And I love you,” Isak replies quietly and then crashes their lips back together in a searing kiss.

It’s funny how the most romantic moment of his life happened while he has his hand on his boyfriend’s dick.

He also wonders if something as ordinary as love comes even close to what Isak is feeling for Even. When what he’s feeling is so much more, the happiness and safety and everything in between. Isak guesses he’ll settle for saying that he loves Even Bech Næsheim for the rest of his life if it gives Even at least a fraction of an idea of what Isak really feels for him.

Shockingly, Isak finds tears shimmering in Even’s eyes. “I love you,” Isak repeats, suddenly scared that Even won’t believe him, that his self-doubts take over, “Man of my life.” He feels the emotions well up in his chest too, his eyes probably shiny like Even’s. He squeezes them shut for a second to get his composure back but not long enough because he loves looking at his boyfriend. He laughs wetly and kisses Even again, much softer than before. They have time. The rest of their lives.

He starts moving his hand again, squeezing and teasing in the way he knows Even likes, rendering his boy breathless and panting. Isak’s pretty sure if he listens to Even’s beautiful moans long enough, he could come like that.

“I’m close,” Even chokes, tears sliding down his temples, “Say it again.” His eyes are the most intense blue Isak has ever seen.

He doubles his efforts, tightening his hold on Even which makes him arch into him. “You’re the man of my life,” Isak murmurs against his lips, marvelling at the way Even goes completely slack under him as he spills between them. He jerks Even through his orgasm, not even thinking about making fun of how much of a romantic hoe Even is that he came from those words because if the roles were reversed — as much as Isak would never admit it to anyone but his boyfriend — he’d probably have been the same.

They kiss until Even doesn’t gasp for air anymore and Isak rolls off of him, falling on the mattress next to him. He looks over at Even, taking in how his sweater is rucked up under his armpits and his jeans and boxers are pooling around his ankles. They’re an absolute mess. Isak giggles happily, scooting closer to hide his face in the crook of Even’s neck, scattering a couple kisses there.

Even wriggles his arm under Isak to wrap around him and pull him in. “I’m a little scared what else this day will bring,” He admits quietly, pressing a kiss to the top of Isak’s head.

Isak can relate. If they’ve already felt so much during a simple handjob, they might as well be emotional wrecks at the end of the day — in the very best way imaginable of course. Isak is pressed into Even’s side, his hand drawing patters on Even’s stomach, feeling his muscles contract underneath. He kisses Even’s collarbone before sucking a bruise into it that’s matching the one blooming against Even’s throat already. “We can stop when it gets too much,” Isak whispers when he’s happy with the way the hickey turned out and then promptly moves to be able to kiss Even on the mouth again.

“We can do that,” Even agrees, his smile turning mischievous when he adds, “But now I want to take care of you. Can I?”

Isak was so focused on making Even feel good that he barely noticed his own arousal but he’s straining against his jeans and he can’t wait to get out of them. “You can.”

Even sits up, chucking off his clothes completely, smiling when he hovers over Isak to take his jeans off slowly.

It’s excruciating. Isak is already a whining mess and Even hasn’t even touched him yet — he’s not sure if he has to at this point — and he breathes a sigh of relief when his cock springs free, curving proudly toward his stomach.

“You are so beautiful, Isak,” Even says fervently, eyes shining with wonder.

Isak flushes. He’s heard people call him hot before, has proof of it with lots of girls wanting to disappear to a bathroom or bedroom with him at parties, but being called beautiful by the boy he loves is an indescribable feeling. The memory of how disgusted with himself he was whenever a girl tried to get near him and he let her, the shame and fear, all that is just a distant nightmare now that he has Even so close. Even, who’s never made him feel anything but comfortable. “I’m all yours, Even,” Isak murmurs with a passion he didn’t know he’s capable of.

“As I am yours,” Even replies in a whisper. He leans down to nuzzle their noses together before kissing Isak passionately. When he starts kissing down Isak’s chest, Isak is strumming with anticipation; he’s so hard it almost hurts but instead of taking him in his mouth, Even sits up between Isak’s legs and just looks at him for the longest time.

Isak squirms under the attention.

The corners of Even’s mouth are twitching. He licks his lips as his eyes rake over Isak. “I want to look at you for the rest of my life.”

Even has got to stop saying those things. Isak feels like he’s combusting.

Even starts using his hands then, touching him everywhere except for where Isak needs him most right now. He’s running his fingers along his arms, over his collarbones, brushing his thumb over Isak’s Adam’s apple, then his chest, his big hands splaying out over them as he explores Isak, the pads of his fingers rubbing against Isak’s sensitive nipples so he’s arching off the mattress, trying to find more friction. _Anything_ to get off right now. But Even isn’t giving him more than a feather’s touch and Isak is going mad with lust.

Even’s hands wander to his ribs, tracing them gingerly, his eyes following the movement as if he tries to memorise every little detail of Isak. Isak can’t do anything but look at his boyfriend and the way he looks at him as if he’s a piece of art. Even presses his lips to Isak’s sternum, making him suck in a deep breath when his hands move over Isak’s hipbones, putting some pressure there for a moment that drives Isak mad, before caressing his thighs down to his knees and going back up on the inside.

Isak is shivering, gasping for air with how good it feels to have Even touch the sensitive insides of his thighs but not actually going farther. “Even, I love you,” Isak cries desperately, “ _Please_ …” He’s not sure what exactly he’s asking for: Even’s touch for him to get some relief? For Even to love him back just as fiercely? To be there for each other forever? Maybe it’s a mixture of all of those and so much more.

In the end, it’s nothing more than a brush of Even’s knuckles against his hard and leaking length that does it for Isak. He squeezes his eyes shut, jaw slack in a silent scream as his orgasm completely wrecks him. It seems to go on forever, Isak shaking and shivering, too far gone to make any sound, colour pulsing behind his eyelids and heart pounding so hard it feels like it wants to escape out of his chest.

Maybe his heart wants to make a home in Even’s chest instead.

Isak whimpers and Even does exactly what Isak needs him to: he seals their lips together, his hands on Isak’s face as they kiss and Isak slowly, very slowly, starts feeling like he’s not boneless anymore.

There’s a possibility that Even’s and his fear of what the day will bring is a real one. But it’s a fear that Isak’s willing to take.

Even uses the sheets — the person who will clean them later will be horrified, probably just throwing them out — to clean them up a little before he heaves Isak on top of him, wrapping his arms securely around him.

Isak hums contentedly into his skin, keeping his eyes closed as he enjoys the warmth of Even’s body against his and his gentle fingers following the knobs of his spine. The feeling in his chest when he thinks that he wouldn’t mind having that for the next five, ten, fifty years is pure happiness.

The moment is interrupted when his stomach grumbles loudly.

Even chuckles lowly. “Someone’s hungry… We should order room service, I need to eat too, haven’t had anything since lunch in school. And we probably need it…” He muses.

Isak nods but makes no move to get up from Even. And Even doesn’t seem to mind at all.

A few minutes later, Isak’s stomach grumbles again so he heaves a sigh and rolls off Even.

“What would you like, babe?” Even asks, studying the menu. 

Isak curls into him so he can look at what the hotel has to offer as well. “Oh, they have mini burgers!” Isak grins enthusiastically.

Even kisses his temple and nods, “They do. Like three variations. Which one should we get?” 

“All of them?” Isak shrugs, smirking when he adds, “Pretty sure we need all the energy we can get.”

Even calls the reception while Isak doesn’t take his eyes off of him and as soon as he ends the call, Isak is back to kissing him, though it’s more teeth with how much they’re smiling.

Quickly, they find a familiar rhythm again though, their bodies moving effortlessly against each other, their breaths turning into pants, their cocks fattening back up.

Isak has every intention to just rut against Even until he’s coming again when that plan is interrupted by a knock on the door. He’s confused until he remembers that, _right_ , they ordered food earlier.

“I’ll get it,” Even sighs, regret in his eyes when he gets up from the bed.

As Even walks stark naked to the door, Isak admires the beautiful sight of his backside. His eyes widen when Even is almost at the door, about to open it. “Even!” He exclaims, “Clothes!” And promptly dissolves into a giggling mess.

Even snorts at their thoughtlessness and makes a detour to the bathroom where they spotted the complimentary bathrobes earlier. When he’s back at the door, Isak quickly scrambles under the sheets, giggling when the young woman’s eyes widened upon seeing Even in nothing but a bathrobe. Isak hides behind the sheets so only his eyes are visible but he can’t stop laughing at the way she is clearly out of her depth when she pushes the cart with their food into the room, her eyes darting from Even to Isak. “E-enjoy,” She croaks, a deep blush on her cheeks.

“Thank you,” Even says politely and as soon as the door is closed behind her again, he bursts into laughter as well. “I think we scarred her for life.”

Isak can not bring himself to care much. (He also doesn’t even think about how one more stranger knows about them now.) “Come back to bed,” He pouts, making grabby hands at his boyfriend.

Even is chuckling, raising his eyebrows in that way that does _things_ to Isak. “We should eat first…”

Isak squints his eyes. “So let’s eat in bed,” He suggests.

But for some reason, Even shakes his head. “There’s a lot of ways I plan to make a mess of those sheets but getting food on them is not one of them,” He says thoughtfully, “I’m not keen on having bread crumbs in places they’re not supposed to be.”

Sighing, Isak nods slowly. Even has a point there. “Fine,” He agrees grudgingly, getting out of bed slowly. He eyes Even in his bathrobe warily before shrugging and keeping the sheets wrapped around himself.

They settle down on the floor, the champagne they forgot about earlier between them and the first tray of mini burgers.

Even smiles at him but his brow furrows after a moment, “Do you want me to get you the other bathrobe? They’re _so_ fluffy!”

Isak shakes his head. “No. What I want is for you to kiss me again.” He’s glad none of his friends are here because they’d give him shit for the rest of his life for such a cheesy line. (Well, he’s glad that his friends aren’t here, period. That would end awkwardly for everyone involved.)

Even gnaws on his bottom lip but that does nothing to hide his huge smile. He leans forward, crossing the distance between them, smile widening even further when Isak reaches out to grab him by the front of his bathrobe to get him closer faster.

The kiss is surprisingly chaste for how desperate Isak is for it.

When they pull apart, Isak asks with a smirk, “What are the chances of being allowed to stay naked and kiss you for the rest of my life?”

This smile, this brilliant, crinkly-eyed smile where Even’s eyes are shut and Isak can feel the happiness radiating off of him is Isak’s favourite thing in the whole world. “I like the way you think, babe,” Even says around a laugh.

Isak licks his lips, grinning smugly. He grabs one of the burgers and bites into it, groaning happily at finally getting some food. With his mouth full, he inquires, “Yeah, I know I’m a genius and all that but what _are_ the chances?”

“Not sure about everyone else but _I_ surely won’t oppose to that idea. Anything that involves you kissing me and being naked is a big yes from me,” Even replies, unlike Isak making his point before taking a bite. He chews with eyes wide and only after he swallowed, exclaims, “Holy shit, those are amazing!”

Isak’s smile turns soft until it drops off his face. He doesn’t know why he only realises it now but… this, right now, is everything. His heart is pounding in his chest. Isak is not one for dramatics — okay, _maybe_ he is — but if the world were to end right now, he wouldn’t mind as long as he’s with Even. The realisation takes his breath away.

Even is oblivious to his inner turmoil. “Do we have the same burgers?” He asks curiously, looking from the burger that’s forgotten in Isak’s hand to his own.

Ignoring the question, Isak says, “Hey Even?” His heart makes a valiant effort to jump out of his chest and find it’s rightful place next to Even’s.

“Try this,” Even encourages, his excitement for the mini burgers is adorable. He leans over the gap between them and holds the food up to Isak’s mouth. “Try,” He repeats with a grin.

Isak takes a bite if only to see the light in Even’s eyes brighten. “It’s really good,” He agrees before he says his boyfriend’s name again.

This time, Even hears the change in tone and he turns serious, brow furrowed. “Are you okay, Isak?”

It’s a strange feeling. To suddenly feel like you’re a completely different person than you used to be, to have your whole centre of gravity shifted, to have your heart beat with a purpose suddenly. It’s as if Isak was on an undercover mission for the past seventeen years of his life and now, he can finally be himself.

“I…” He starts slowly, not sure how to put that into words but Even must have seen something on his face that makes him relax, smiling carefully but genuinely. “Thank you,” Isak squeaks and it sounds so ridiculous. He feels heat rising up in his cheeks. “I have never— I haven’t felt anything quite like this… ever,” Isak whispers eventually, gaze at the ground between them.

And then he feels a hand on his face when Even leans in again, running his nose along Isak’s. “Neither have I,” He promises and kisses Isak with a reverence that makes Isak’s heart lurch. Even pulls away for a second before he starts scattering small pecks all over Isak’s face until he’s giggling helplessly.

They finish the burgers with Isak’s heart still on a mission to leave his body but he feels lighter than ever before.

“Do you want to try out the bathtub?” Even wonders when the food is gone and the first bottle of champagne is empty, while Isak is curled into his side right there on the floor. Even cards his fingers carefully through Isak’s tangled curls, making him hum contentedly. “We can relax in there for a bit.”

Isak nods, the food and alcohol having made him a little sleepy. “If it can fit two lanky boys…” He mumbles, pressing his nose into the dip of Even’s collarbone.

They kiss their way into the bathroom because it feels like kissing each other is more important than air right now.

“I could really get used to this,” Even smiles against his lips, his hands wandering over Isak’s bare back and settling lightly over his bum.

Isak doesn’t know why the smallest things Even says can make him blush so furiously. To distract himself, he sneaks his hands under the bathrobe Even is still wearing, which is slowly coming undone.

And then for some reason the atmosphere shifts and they’re naked, their bodies pressed together but Isak is just happy about snaking his arms around Even and his ear is pressed over Even’s steady heartbeat, sighing with a smile curling his lips when Even loops his arms around Isak’s shoulders, resting his cheek against the top of Isak’s head. They stay like this until the bathtub is full with water, some fancy bath additive covering the surface with bubbles.

Slowly, they get in the bathtub, hissing and groaning about the hot water until they melt into it and then it’s just super nice and comfortable. They’re at opposite ends, looking at each other with big smiles.

There are so many firsts happening today that Isak could have never imagined ever being comfortable enough to do with anyone.

“This is not going to work,” Isak shakes his head thoughtfully before getting up, water splashing over the edge. He moves around until he’s with his back to Even, sliding between his legs and leaning against him. “Better,” He decides, pleased with his idea.

Even doesn’t hesitate to drape his arms around his shoulders, his hands resting flat against Isak’s chest. “You’re so smart,” He chuckles, kissing Isak against the temple and then his cheek. “I love you.”

_I love you… you’re the man of my life… you’re my world._ Isak covers Even’s hands on his chest with his own, turning his head a little to press a kiss against Even’s jaw. “I love you,” And it’s unbelievable how easily those words leave his lips when Even is the only one who’s ever heard them from him.

Being held by Even is unlike anything else.

“Hey, you?” Isak mumbles after a moment, taking his hands away from Even’s to drag them through the water instead, scooping foam up in his hands to distract himself.

“Hey, you,” Even echoes, smile audible in his voice. He hugs Isak closer.

Isak hides his face against Even’s neck, the spot where his breath hits his skin, goosebumps appear. “Do you want to have sex with me?” Isak is terrified; he played it cool earlier but the thought of giving himself to someone so completely, heart, body and soul, is the most terrifying. Even if that person is Even.

“I do,” Even says without hesitation, “But we don’t have to take that step today.” He clears his throat. “I’m scared.”

Isak raises his head, turning to look at Even with wide eyes. He can’t tell if Even just said that because he could feel that Isak thinks that way or if he actually is. “You are?”

Even nods, piercing blue eyes looking straight back at Isak. “Terrified,” He voices Isak’s thoughts. He pecks Isak’s lips softly before going on, “It’s my first time… with a boy. But I guess that’s not really it. Thinking about what this means— for _us_ , makes my heart want to jump out of my chest. I can— I could lose myself in you and I don’t deal well with giving up control because I feel like that enough when I’m having an episode. But at the same time I’d give up everything for you. Which I probably shouldn’t think because— It’s scary.”

The bathtub doesn’t allow much movement with how long their limbs are but Isak manages to twist around enough to hold Even’s face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against Even’s cheeks and noses nudging against each other’s. Knowing that Even is at least just as nervous as he is makes it possible to focus on something else but his pounding heart. “It’s my first time, period. I’m scared shitless. But I found myself because of you and I trust you. And I promise you, you can trust me. If you lose control I’ll be there to catch you.” Isak presses their lips together, feeling Even exhale heavily against him. 

“You’re wonderful, do you know that?” Even murmurs when Isak settles back against him comfortably, lacing their fingers together in the water.

A couple of minutes later, Even tells Isak to sit up a little and he starts gathering water in his palms and pours it over his shoulders. His hands are nothing but gentle and Isak closes his eyes when Even repeats the procedure a few times. He doesn’t stop when he presses soft kisses on Isak’s shoulder and up his neck, nosing along his jaw. Isak tilts his head, moaning quietly.

Even’s voice is a little shaky when he whispers into Isak’s skin, “I trust you, Isak. If you— I’d let you take control.”

Isak’s breath hitches. “You mean—“

“I want to feel you. Completely. I want you inside me. I want all of you,” Even breathes, burrowing his face against Isak’s shoulder.

Isak can’t breathe. He knows how much this means.

The water is running cold when they eventually step out of the bathtub, Isak wrapping a fluffy towel around Even’s shoulders before grabbing one for himself. He’s giggling when Even ambushes him with another towel that he uses to rub Isak’s hair dry.

As expected, it leaves Isak’s hair in an absolute mess but Even scrunches his face up in the most adorable way and coos, “You’re so cute!”

“Fuck you, I’m _hot_!” Isak replies indignantly, pushing at Even’s chest.

Even just grabs his wrist and pulls him close. “So hot,” He agrees easily, capturing Isak’s lips in a kiss.

Isak couldn’t say how they end up back in bed with him straddling Even. But this he knows, this is comfort — which doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to risk the jump into the unknown. For this minute, though, he’s going to do what he knows.

Slowly, he kisses his way down Even’s chest, stopping every now and then to suck a hickey into Even’s skin, the sight of the marks on his throat and now chest going straight to his groin. It’s funny how much that does to him when he already knows that they belong together but having the manifestation of it right there makes Isak giddy — and judging by Even moaning under him, he likes it as well.

When Isak kisses past Even’s navel, he looks up at his boyfriend with a smirk. Even’s chest is moving rapidly with how hard he’s breathing. And then he freezes completely for a moment when Isak licks his lips before wrapping them around Even’s leaking tip. The precome is bitter on his tongue but Isak gathers all of it anyway, encouraged by Even’s aborted sounds.

Even starts chanting, “More, more, more,” all too soon and Isak is only too willingly to give that to him. (They have time for more teasing some other time.) He takes Even deeper, one hand holding on to the base of Even’s cock, the other holding on to his hip, his thumb pressing into the spot he knows makes Even moan loudly.

Sliding his lips along Even’s shaft, his hand moving where Even doesn’t fit in his mouth. He’s breathing heavily through his nose, trying to take his boyfriend all the way. When Even’s tip touches the back of Isak’s throat, Even’s hand flies into his hair, tugging on it desperately. Isak can tell he’s trying not to push him farther down on his cock. It makes Isak thrust his hips into thin air.

“You feel so good, Isak,” Even groans, accidentally pushing up into Isak.

Tears spring to Isak’s eyes because he didn’t expect it but he takes it easily, swallowing around Even. It suddenly hits Isak that he wants to know what it would be like if he just _took_ it. He hums around Even, wanting to tell him that but speaking poses some difficulty when he has a dick in his mouth. What the vibrations do, though, is make Even jerk his hips again.

Isak pulls off, his boyfriend already having apologies ready because he thinks he’s gone too far but Isak smiles and tells him, “You can fuck my mouth if you like.”

Even closes his eyes, thrusting into the lose grasp Isak still has around him. “ _Fuck_ , are you sure?”

Isak nods eagerly, winking at Even before leaning down again to lick a fat stripe up the underside of Even’s cock before taking him in his mouth again. When he’s ready, he taps Even’s thigh and when he looks up to check with Even, he finds his boyfriend’s wide eyes looking back at him. Isak gives the smallest of nods, keeping eye contact with Even as he slowly moves his hand back into Isak’s hair.

With his hand keeping Isak in place, he carefully starts thrusting up, his eyes searching Isak’s face for any indicator that he’s uncomfortable.

Which Isak isn’t. It’s surprisingly… hot to feel as if he’s choking on Even’s dick. There are tears sliding down his cheeks and within seconds he feels desperate with the need to get off himself. He wonders if he could come from just looking at Even like this, open, vulnerable, so fucking turned on, fucking Isak’s mouth like that. But Isak feels too impatient testing that now, his hand going to his own dick, thumb pressing into the tip. Isak uses the precome to make the slide a little smoother.

He groans around Even, which makes his thrusts more desperate. “So— close,” Even warns him with a choked off noise.

Isak doubles his efforts on his own cock before letting go and instead sliding his hands up and down Even’s thighs before hoisting him up a little to be able to grab a handful of his ass, parting his cheeks slightly.

It sets Even off who thrusts one more time before coming down Isak’s throat, moving his hips minimally as he shivers through his orgasm.

Isak’s own orgasm is startled out of him when his fingers catch against Even’s hole. He pulls off Even’s cock, narrowly avoiding the wet patch on the sheets where he dirtied them as he pushes Even’s leg aside so he can lie down. He closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

It takes a moment and then Isak feels how Even is hovering over him, his thumb running along Isak’s bottom lip, pulling it down a little at the corner. Isak is exhausted but he smiles lazily, opening his eyes slowly.

“God, I wish you could see yourself right now,” Even murmurs, voice rough, “Your _lips_ , Isak, they’ll be the death of me. You’re so fucking beautiful. ”

There’s just enough strength left in Isak’s body to lift his head and capture Even’s lips in a kiss. His cheeks are burning — he might never get over Even calling him beautiful.

Eventually, after kissing for the longest time, Even falls on his back, pulling Isak half on top of him. Isak presses his lips against Even’s skin, smiling into it.

With Even gently caressing his back, Isak thinks he could fall asleep right now and it would be as the happiest man on earth. But he also realises that they’re kind of on a mission here— or not a mission, but they both want to take the next step even though it’s absolutely terrifying. 

As if reading his thoughts, Even says, “I meant it earlier. That I want to have sex with you and I trust you to take care of me. So… do you want that too?”

“I want everything with you, Even,” Isak blurts like the sappiest person ever but he doesn’t even have to see Even’s face to know that he’s smiling so that’s definitely worth it.

Even tilts Isak’s chin up to kiss him, whispering against his lips, “Then you know what’s coming, Isak…” Only his shaky exhale is an indicator that he’s still very much nervous.

Isak gnaws on his bottom lip, feeling his hands turn sweaty with how afraid he is. “I— I know,” He gulps, wriggling out of Even’s embrace even though he’d rather stay in the comfort of it.

Even’s wide-eyed expression turns into a smirk suddenly and he teases, “Don’t tell me you’ve never had your fingers down there to try it. I know _I_ did. It’s how I realised I’m pan.”

The corners of Isak’s mouth twitch, the words calming him down a little. “You’re such an idiot,” Isak laughs, loving how Even always seems to know exactly what to say to make him relax, “I have you figured out, Even. When you’re nervous, you start making sex jokes.”

Even quirks his eyebrows. “It’s working, isn’t it?”

It is.

Isak rolls his eyes and leans down to kiss Even again. Keeps kissing him as his hand wanders down over his chest and ribs, exploring and _feeling_ , until he gets down there, moving past Even’s balls. His breathing hitches and he pulls away from Even’s lips to mumble, “Can you bend your knees for me?”

Even nods, putting his feet up on the mattress, spreading his legs as far as he’s comfortable with.

Isak is probably looking at this too much from an analytical side right now, trying to figure out how to best go about this, but it helps him stay somewhat calm. His brow is furrowed when he grabs a pillow, indicating for Even to raise his bum a little so he can push it under there. He smiles when it gives him better access.

He sighs deeply, gaze going back to Even’s face. “You look gorgeous like this,” Isak tells him. He remembers how overwhelmed he was when Even sucked him off for the first time and the hot tightness of it. He can only imagine how much tighter it will be to have his fingers in Even’s ass and it knocks the breath out of him.

Isak kneels comfortably between Even’s legs, fingers fluttering along the insides of Even’s thighs making him shiver.

He’s almost at Even’s ass when Even mutters breathlessly, “Isak. Lube.”

Isak feels his face flush with shame at having forgotten such an integral part of having sex. “I don’t—“ He stutters.

Somehow, Even manages an encouraging smile when he interrupts him, “I have some in my backpack.”

“You have some… in your backpack,” Isak repeats slowly.

Even shrugs, full-blown grinning now. “You didn’t think I’d take you to a hotel and not come prepared?” He says, licking his chapped lips, “You’re not the only one who was hopeful.”

Isak’s face is burning. “Okay… backpack,” He mutters to himself, “I’ll— uh, get it.” He scrambles off the bed, hiding his face against his hands for a moment when he’s with his back to Even.

“There’s condoms as well, in case we’re motivated.” Isak is just glad Even admitted before that he’s just as scared because otherwise this would seem like he’s the most confident about this and Isak would probably run and hide.

Isak rummages through Even’s backpack until he finds the bottle of lube and the condoms. Mindlessly, he says, “This is almost empty.”

Even chuckles. “I had a month worth of pining over you… I had to find some release somewhere,” He replies unabashedly.

Isak almost drops the stuff in his hands, surprised by that revelation. “What?” He turns around, needing to look at Even when he repeats that so he can be sure that Even really said it. Except, when he does, Even isn’t lying on his back with his legs spread anymore, instead he’s on his hands and knees, presenting his ass to Isak. Isak is pretty sure he dies on the spot. He drops the stuff.

Even looks over his shoulder as Isak quickly picks the lube and condoms up again. “This is better, yeah?” He asks, sounding unsure, “It makes it easier for you to open me up?”

“Y-yeah,” Isak blurts. He shakes his head in hopes of thinking clearly again. “What do you mean… pining for me for a month?” He kneels on the mattress behind Even, dropping the stuff to have his hands free to run them along Even’s sides.

Even takes a deep breath. “I saw you on the first day of school,” He admits quietly.

Isak can’t believe this. He’s been thinking that his crush was pathetically one-sided for the most part but it turns out that Even had seen him even before Isak first saw him. “Wow,” He breathes, completely dumbfounded, pressing a couple kisses along Even’s spine.

“You’re not easy to miss, Isak,” Even says, shuddering beneath him.

Isak’s mind is blank with a comeback so he keeps quiet and instead puts his hands on Even’s ass, trying to rationalise that it’s _just Even_ , he’s had his dick in his mouth that must have been more extreme? He tries to focus on breathing while simultaneously spreading his cheeks apart tentatively. His breathing definitely suffers. Even’s hole is pink and pretty and Isak has to close his eyes for a second, gasping for air. He kisses Even at the bottom of his spine, just where his ass begins before pulling away and grabbing the lube, spreading a generous amount of it on his fingers.

He warms it up a little and then asks in an almost-squeak, “Are you ready?”

“Are you?”

Isak figures he can be completely honest here, they’ve been that all day and they’re baring themselves completely to each other. “I’m scared I’m going to hurt you.”

Even shakes his head. “You won’t. I know you’ll be the most considerate and careful, Isak.”

Isak nods to himself. He will be. Of course. He can do this. He gulps down his fears and moves his fingers to touch Even’s hole. It flutters a little at the touch and Isak is going to faint, _fuck_. This is so much. He traces his finger around it, spreading the lube there, massaging the spot until he can feel Even relax under him, a quiet moan leaving his lips.

Isak kisses Even’s spine again, even though he’d rather have his lips right now, and then slowly breaches in. The pressure on his finger and the white heat that immediately engulfs him is almost too overwhelming. “Fuck, Even…” He chokes out.

Even’s breathing quickens. “Isak.” His name said like that doesn’t give him any indicator if it’s good or not but he pushes his ass more in Isak’s direction so Isak pushes in deeper, matching his rapid breathing to Even’s. He feels Even’s tight walls constricting around him and Even’s tiny mewls, just on this side of uncomfortable, ringing in his ears.

If it’s already this intense now, he can’t even imagine what it will be like when his cock is in Even.

“More,” Even sobs.

Isak holds on to Even’s hip with one hand, peppering kisses on any part of Even he can reach. Pushing a second finger into Even at this point seems excessive so he moves that one finger around a little more, prodding Even’s walls and trying to figure out where Even’s prostate is because that’ll make sure it’s enjoyable for Even too. He feels a sweat break out on his forehead.

Even’s voice sounds broken when he whispers, “Please.”

Isak bites his lip. There’s only two ways here: either use a second finger or pull out of Even — and he really doesn’t want to do the latter. He pulls the first finger out a little to be able to fit the second one in more comfortably, freezing when Even makes a noise somewhere between a moan and a sob. “Are you okay?” Isak asks, heart pounding and the fingers of his other hand rubbing soothing circles into Even’s skin.

“It burns a little,” Even croaks, “But don’t stop!”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll try to…” Isak mumbles but trails off as he focuses back on the task of finding that bundle of nerves inside of Even. He pushes his two fingers in carefully, stopping whenever there’s the smallest movement that indicates Even is uncomfortable.

When his fingers have disappeared in Even — Isak will never get over the sight of that, he knows it — he stays still for a second before he scissors his fingers tentatively; he closes his eyes as he feels Even and curls his fingers. Feeling experimental, he tries to get his fingers deeper inside of Even, even though that’s nearly impossible.

However, that millimetre is enough to have Even moan obscenely, his arms buckling as Isak brushes against his prostate. Even propped up on his elbows now makes his ass raise a little higher and changes the position of Isak’s fingers inside him. Isak can feel Even’s prostate still and scratches at it a little, making Even rock his hips toward him.

Isak can’t help the small, proud smile on his face. He presses that smile into Even’s skin and then halts in his movements because— _what if_. “Even,” He murmurs, “I’m going to try something, okay? Do you trust me?”

Even whines into his arms, his voice muffled when he gasps, “ _Yes_.”

Isak takes a deep breath and then leans down, kissing Even’s skin again but going farther down this time. All the way to where his fingers disappear in Even’s ass. His heart is beating too fast and he has a feeling he’ll chicken out any second so before he can, he breathes in, basically gasping for oxygen, before licking Even’s puffy pink skin around his fingers. And then he pushes his tongue inside along his fingers and it’s— he’s going _insane_ with the feeling of it.

“Fuck,” Even moans loudly, “Is that— Isak— _faen_.”

It’s wet and warm and tight and while Isak can’t believe he put his tongue inside Even, he sure doesn’t regret it. He fucks into Even a little with his tongue, the continuous wailing moans urging him on. Only when he’s almost out of breath does Isak pull out of Even, chuckling at how daring he just was.

Even’s hole is dripping with lube and spit and it’s _fucking glorious_.

“Did you just put your tongue in—“ 

Before Even can finish that sentence, Isak makes him break off in a moan when he adds a third finger as a substitute for his tongue. (His _tongue_! He had his fucking tongue in Even!)

If Isak’s honest, he feels minutes away from coming just from seeing Even so worked up, of knowing that he made Even look like this — but he tries not to think of his own release now, he just wants to make Even feel good and _god_ , he wants to be inside him already.

When Even got used to the three fingers inside him, Isak starts moving again; at first carefully, making sure Even feels comfortable but then he starts fucking his fingers in and out of Even, rocking him with the force of it and whenever he pulls almost all the way out, Even leans back, trying to chase the feeling of Isak’s fingers in him.

Isak maintains the steady thrusts but he also wants to get his mouth on his boyfriend again so he does the only thing he can think of right now: he steadies Even with his free hand, making him hold still as he keeps fucking into him and his lips go back to brushing against Even’s heated skin and he starts sucking a bruise into Even’s ass.

“Isak… babe,” Even pants, a moan between every word when Isak’s fingers prod his prostate or his teeth and lips feel especially great, “I… n-need… you. Please!”

Isak slows his thrusts until he pulls his fingers out eventually, wiping them on the sheets as his eyes can’t look away from Even’s puckered pink hole, clenching and unclenching as if it wants Isak’s fingers back. He wipes the sweat from his forehead, trying to regain his breathing.

He can’t help but press his fingers against the hickeys he sucked into Even’s ass, fascinated with his own boldness. Even makes a noise somewhere between a hiss and a moan. “Turn around,” Isak murmurs, sounding surprisingly soft despite the dirty thing they just did.

Looking at Even’s face when he does is out of this world. His pupils are blown and his lips are bitten red and puffy. He’s so fucking gorgeous. Isak cups his face in his hands and kisses him hard but somehow still gently. “You’re so incredible, Even,” He murmurs, pressing more kisses to his lips with every word.

“Should we…” Even is still or maybe again breathless, barely pulling away from Isak’s lips to speak. And then he gives up talking completely and just moves them around until he’s lying comfortably on the bed with his legs propped up on either side of Isak.

The tip of Isak’s cock brushes against Even’s rim and they both simultaneously hold their breath, letting the air out in a moan. Isak is definitely ready for this. “Where are the condoms?” He whispers, sucking Even’s bottom lip into his mouth in the process.

Even blindly fumbles for them where they should be somewhere on the mattress next to them, grinning against Isak’s lips when he finally finds them. 

He presses them into Isak’s hand, which catches Isak off guard for some reason and he realises what this means. For the past few moments, he forgot all about his nerves but now they’re back full-fledged.

Even runs his nose along Isak’s before pressing their foreheads together. “Let me?” He asks quietly, wrapping his hands around Isak’s and taking the condom back from him.

“Okay, yeah,” Isak breathes belatedly, scooting back on the mattress so Even can sit up, caging Isak in with his legs. It doesn’t feel like a cage, though, it’s safety. He swallows harshly, putting all his focus on Even’s eyes on him — he detects some worry in them but Even hides it well.

Opening the foil package, Even looks down between them before meeting Isak’s gaze again. “Can I?”

Isak nods, draping his arms over Even’s shoulders and leaning in for a kiss. He realises he makes it a little harder for Even doing this blind but he just needs Even like this right now. His breathing stutters when Even puts his hands on him and slowly rolls the condom on his dick.

Every little touch is like an electric shock and Isak pants into Even’s mouth, refraining from pumping into his fist to get off like this. It takes all the effort when Even squirts lube on his hand and strokes Isak a couple of times.

Then he’s lying back down, pulling Isak with him. Even’s chest is heaving as he untangles one hand from Isak’s and cards it through his hair instead. “I’m ready,” He whispers, tugging a little on Isak’s curls.

Isak leans down completely, capturing Even’s lips in a kiss. He reaches for the lube, coating his fingers with it before rubbing it against Even’s rim again. (He’s probably using way too much but is there really too much?) His hand goes to his dick and he deepens the kiss as he positions himself, his tip nudging Even’s hole.

He moans when he pushes in tentatively, just a little bit, and Even sucks air into his lungs sharply. “ _Fuckfuckfuck_ ,” Isak groans, “Are you okay?” He’s sweating profusely already, torn between chasing his orgasm that he feels building already and the much more important fact of making Even feel comfortable.

“Keep going,” Even whines, moving his pelvis so that Isak is sliding in just that little bit more.

Isak moans again, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s nowhere near completely inside Even and it already feels like too much. A low chuckle leaves his lips, though it ends in a whine. “If I don’t last…” He groans, “I’ll make it up to you with giving you a billion orgasms afterwards.”

That makes Even snort. “You think you won’t last?” He asks, adding teasingly, “Does your young body not have enough stamina? I forgot how young you are.”

Isak feels himself relax, laughter vibrating in his chest. “Fuck off! You’re only two years older than me! And you have _no_ fucking idea how fucking good you feel. Oh my fucking _god_!” He babbles mindlessly.

Even laughs so hard at that that Isak slips out of him again — which just makes him laugh harder for some reason.

Isak glares at him but he’d bet that he looks far too fond. “You’re unbelievable. Stop laughing, oh my god.”

“You’re back to calling me your god, I like it,” Even giggles.

Isak presses his smile against Even’s lips and grasps his thighs to keep him steady when he pushes into him again.

It wipes the smiles right off their faces, jaws slack.

After an excruciatingly long time, in which Isak feels like he isn’t breathing at all, he’s bottoming out. He feels dizzy with the pressure on his dick and Even clenching around him, making it more intense. “Fuck, Even. _God_.”

“How are you even real?” Even pants, holding Isak’s face in his hands. There’s a hint of pain on his face and Isak immediately worries.

“Too much?” He asks, worrying his bottom lip.

Even nods, “Way too much. You’re going to be the death of me.” He rolls his hips a little and his eyes shut, expression morphing into one of pleasure. “Can you move?”

Isak hoists Even’s thighs up a little more, effectively changing their position into something even better, and pulls out halfway before thrusting back in. He’s definitely not going to last long. Not when Even feels so fucking hot and tight and perfect and his face looks like _that_.

Even’s lips are parted but no sound is coming out. He’s so beautiful, Isak wants to cry.

He thrusts into Even a couple more times, carefully observing Even’s face so he can stop at the smallest hint of anything less than comfortable but Even just starts breathing harder until little moans travel past his lips. He starts meeting Isak’s thrusts halfway and Isak kisses the gorgeous noises right out of his mouth.

When Isak manages to hit Even’s prostate, both of them moan so loud that it wouldn’t be surprising if the whole hotel heard them. They promptly stop moving, Isak’s cock just nudging Even’s prostate, his thighs shivering under Isak’s touch. And they laugh. “That’s it?” Isak giggles.

Even grins, confirming, “That’s it. Now keep going.”

Isak doubles his efforts, grinning every time his thrusts get the most gorgeously obscene moans and curses out of his boyfriend, the slick slide and tight heat pushing him closer and closer to his orgasm. He sucks another hickey into Even’s neck and the flick of his tongue against the spot coupled with a well-aimed thrust is what pushes Even over the edge.

Even goes impossibly tighter around Isak, making his eyes bulge and he can feel his own balls tightening. He wraps his fingers around Even’s cock, adding additional pressure to jerk him through his orgasm.

Even grabs his ass, either for purchase or to pull Isak impossibly deeper on his next thrust, and that’s it for Isak too. He comes hard with a sobbed, “Even,” on his lips and blacks out for a few seconds or maybe minutes as his orgasm is coaxed out of him.

He collapses on top of Even, just aware enough to brace himself on the mattress with his arms so he doesn’t completely knock the air out of his boyfriend.

They don’t say anything for a while, just staying entwined in their happy place.

Until eventually, the mess between them gets uncomfortable. “I feel sticky and gross,” Even mutters, his warm hands caressing up and down Isak’s back.

“I feel happy and in love,” Isak replies, kissing the closest thing of Even he can reach without moving much which happens to be his throat.

“I am too,” Even promises quietly and chuckles, “But you really should pull out of me now.”

Isak pouts but does as he’s told. They’re both very sensitive, hissing uncomfortably. It’s weird not being buried inside Even again, not connected to him in both a mental and physical way anymore.

Even frowns, pecking Isak’s lips before Isak sits up to find them something to clean themselves up with. “I already miss you in me.”

It makes Isak shiver. He finds some tissues and crawls back into bed quickly, not wanting to be far away from Even for longer than necessary.

Once they’re cleaned up, they lie down facing each other; Even on his side and Isak on his stomach, half his face smushed into the pillow. Even plays with Isak’s hair and he’s smiling so big. Both of them are. “How many Isaks and Evens are lying exactly like this right now?” Even wonders, reminiscent of their talk about parallel universes from when they just got together.

Isak can’t believe how far they’ve come since then. “Infinite,” He whispers, feeling warm and fuzzy when Even traces the contour of his eyebrow.

“In infinite time,” Even replies, his finger moving to Isak’s Cupid’s bow.

Isak doesn’t stop smiling but he closes his eyes because he just wants to _feel_ Even tracing his features. He runs his finger along Isak’s nose and with a feathery touch moves to Isak’s long lashes. It tickles a little but Isak doesn’t mind. Even’s finger wanders over his cheekbone to his ear, tracing the shell of it before his hand tangles in his hair again.

Even leans in to press a gentle kiss against Isak’s cheek before pulling away again, mumbling softly, “I’m happy you’re my Isak. I wouldn’t want any of the other Isaks. Actually, I feel sorry for the other Evens. Because they don’t have you. I mean they have you but not _you_ you.”

Isak laughs, opening his eyes and promptly rolling them. He imagines his Even having a discussion with one or more of the other Evens and he’s pretty sure — in maybe a conceited way — that every Even would insist he’s the luckiest. He likes that idea, though; the possibility of every Even finding his Isak that’s just right for him. “Maybe there’s a universe where I’m even more handsome.” He points out.

Even smirks but there’s no hesitation when he replies, “Impossible.”

Isak could say that with infinite universes, there are also infinite versions of him so it is very much possible but where’s the fun in that? So he challenges, “Or smarter.”

“Impossible.”

Isak’s smile couldn’t be broader if he tried. “Better at sex,” He offers.

Even snorts. “Impossible,” But he thinks a second about it and then concedes, “Or maybe not.” He giggles at Isak’s indignant squawk, giving him a half-shrug, “But better at sex would also imply some other you is more experienced and I’d rather experience it all with you for the first time. Is that weird?”

Isak bites his lip, looking at Even fondly. When he surges forward, Even is so caught off guard that he can easily push him on his back and crawl on top of him. He pulls the duvet over both of them and then seals their lips in a kiss. “I love you. And I’m glad it’s you, too. I wouldn’t want any other Even.”

Even hums contentedly. “I’m going to make a movie about you one day,” He promises, “Do you know what I’m going to call it?”

Isak is fully prepared for something cheesy — and he’s going to love it but he is also going to give Even shit for it. He nudges his nose against Even’s, whispering, “Tell me.”

“The Boy Who Is the Softest Purest Most Beautiful Boy in All the Universes.”

Isak feels his cheeks heating up.“Sounds like a pretentious shit movie,” He teases, giggling happily.

In retaliation, Even starts tickling him and Isak writhes around on top of him, trying to get out of reach but all it does is put friction on their dicks which— well, it’s a pretty effective distraction technique.

They start kissing again, the humour and lightness of seconds ago leaving both their faces and instead there’s a hunger, a desire to be even closer, burning in their eyes.

If it was possible, Isak would like to stay like this forever. Naked, content, _loved_. With Even.

The initial desperation of their kisses is gone after a couple minutes and they end up just lazily moving against each other, hands and tongues exploring for what feels like forever. Isak has lost the feeling for time so it might have been only minutes or hours — not that it’s really important.

They decide on taking a shower eventually, barely able to let go of each other for even a second as they go to the bathroom. Isak turns on the shower, leaning into Even when he wraps himself around Isak from behind, nuzzling his face into Isak’s hair.

In the shower, they stand under the stream less than a minute when Even presses Isak against the shower wall, kissing him slow and deep.

Isak lets his hands wander over Even’s sides and to his bum. He can feel Even filling up against his thigh and he does too. Last time they had a shower together, they didn’t get to try what it would be like to have sex there so he wonders if they might get that chance now. He also wonders how many more orgasms they can have tonight.

Even seems to have the same idea because he pulls away from Isak a little bit, hand sliding over Isak’s chest and stomach with a clear destination — except that the small step he takes back makes him slip and he knocks into the shower door, muttering an, “ _Ouch_!” His face is an adorable painful grimace.

Isak gnaws on his lip to keep from laughing, wanting to close the small distance between them to comfort his boyfriend but he slips as well, and he bumps right into Even. Well, at least there’s no distance between them anymore. Immediately, Isak wraps his arms around Even, giggling into his chest. God, they’re idiots.

“Shower sex always looks much more sensual in the movies,” Even pouts, eternally the film nerd.

Isak grins up at him, wiggling his eyebrows. “At least we know that it won’t be part of your movie about me.”

Even sighs dramatically. “Fine. Should we get to the boring part then and actually _shower_?”

Isak takes the shower head and sprays Even right in the face with it, giggling in delight when Even splutters. His laughter quickly turns into squealing when Even grasps him around the waist, wrestling the shower head out of his hands to get his revenge.

After Isak got his deserved spray of water in the face, they stare at each other challengingly and Isak can grudgingly admit that he flinches every time Even pretends to want to spray him again.

They share giggly kisses and wash each other’s hair and bodies, making sure all the suds are running down the drain before kissing some more.

Isak grabs one of the large towels, wrapping it around himself and then trapping Even against his body, his arms around him so he gets some of the towel as well. They’re freshly showered but Isak can’t stop thinking about ruining that right away, can’t stop thinking about how Even told him he missed the feeling of having Isak in him and how Isak wants to know what that is like too. “Even?”

Even circles his arms around Isak’s waist, pressing closer to him in their warm towel cocoon. “Yes?” He asks, a smile in his voice.

He doesn’t really know what to say. _I want you to fuck me_ doesn’t sound right, it’s too harsh for what feels much more beautiful, skin on fire, making love. Isak clears his throat, feels the blush in his cheeks as he presses his lips to Even’s shoulder, scattering a few kisses there to relax himself and then whispers, “I want to know what it’s like to have you in me.” 

It’s clear enough, leaving no place for doubt and in the way Even freezes before squeezing Isak’s hips in understanding, he knows how much this confession means. “Oh. Okay. Now?” He asks, sounding perplexed.

Isak nods, looking at his boyfriend through his thick lashes. Tonight feels like it’s full of possibilities, no limits. “I want you. So bad,” Isak murmurs and he wonders if this feeling will ever stop — he hopes it doesn’t.

Once again, they fall back into bed and at this point, they probably have to ask reception to give them fresh sheets or they will have to sleep without them considering how soiled they already are and how much worse it will get.

Isak doesn’t want to not look at Even so he spreads his legs as wide as possible for Even with his bum propped up on a pillow, the same position Even was in initially. He’s shaking with how nervous he is — it’s a little dizzying how quickly he’s going from excited to nervous to happy and back through all of those emotions today.

Of course Even notices. He kisses the side of Isak’s knee where it’s propped up and trails kisses up the inside of his thigh but he keeps his hands to himself, letting Isak get used to the feeling of having Even close even though it’s already familiar. It helps him relax anyway. When Even kissed his way up Isak’s other thigh as well, he leans over Isak, kissing his lips. “I love you, Isak,” He murmurs, “Tell me to stop at any point and I will.”

Isak nods jerkily, managing a small smile and a quiet, “I love you.”

Even holds his face and kisses him deeply, putting his everything into it with seemingly no rush to get anywhere beyond kissing. He presses his lips against Isak’s neck, sucking and biting and always going back to Isak’s lips.

Even worships Isak.

There’s no other word for it.

Isak relaxes until any worries have left his mind and Even kisses him and marks his skin until he’s moaning, losing himself a little in Even’s lips.

When Even kisses down his chest and stomach, Isak arches into it and he’s ready to fall apart when Even sucks his cock into his mouth.

It doesn’t come as a shock, more a bit of a surprise really, when Even’s lube-slick fingers move past his balls to explore _down there_. Isak knows that the blowjob is very much a (quite useful) distraction technique. Isak’s glad that Even is so fucking good with his tongue and mouth that he can focus on that while Even’s fingers circle his rim and eventually push in carefully. He tries not to think about it too much, the uncomfortable feeling of having something there that doesn’t belong (one of the reasons he stopped trying to finger himself after the first time) much more prominent than actual pain.

Even is terrified. Isak can tell because he’s taking his time pushing just that one finger into him, stopping in his movements every time Isak shows the smallest hint of discomfort — which, admittedly, involves a lot of wincing. And he loves Even for it, loves him so much for how considerate he is but they’re not getting anywhere like this. “Even,” He whines and his boyfriend freezes immediately, brow furrowed. “Come here and kiss me,” He whispers. He just can’t see Even’s face fall when he tells him to pull out of him so he’s had a change of plans.

Even kisses him and Isak easily melts into it but it doesn’t distract him from what he wants to do. His hand wanders down between his legs and when he bumps into Even’s hand, Even grows rigid.

Isak opens his eyes tentatively and as expected finds Even’s open as well as he tries to figure out what’s going on. Isak smiles at him, cupping his face with his other hand.

Luckily, Even used just as much lube on him as Isak had done with him so it doesn’t really matter that his finger isn’t coated in it when he pushes his finger past his rim alongside Even’s. He stops breathing, his hand on Even’s face sliding around his neck instead, desperate to have something to hold on to properly. He presses his lips against Even’s messily.

It hurts. Tears spring to Isak’s eyes and for a second, he contemplates just stopping but he wants this more than anything. He knows it’s going to feel good in a moment, he just needs to get there. “Even,” He chokes out, “Even, can you— _fuck_ , go deeper.” If he focuses on the heat surrounding his finger and feeling Even’s finger right next to his, the pain is almost bearable.

Even pushes in more, tentatively, but the slide is nearly _good_. Isak moves his finger around a bit, stretching himself open more. His breaths come out in pants against Even’s neck — he has no idea how he ended up there — and he’s clenching and unclenching around their fingers.

From his angle he knows he can’t reach his prostate so he hopes Even gets the memo when he pushes his hips down on their fingers a little.

“Just a little more,” He breathes, tangling his fingers in Even’s hair desperately.

Even gulps, nodding jerkily, before pushing in more.

Isak’s moan turns into a relieved laugh when Even’s finger grazes his prostate finally. “Yeah, that’s good,” He encourages, lifting his face from where it’s buried against Even’s neck to focus on his lips again.

“Yeah?” Even looks at least just as wrecked as Isak feels.

Isak nods, shivering all over when Even prods at the bundle of nerves again. He pulls out with his finger so he can wrap both his arms around his boyfriend, burying his hands in his hair. Against his lips, he mumbles, “Use more fingers.”

They kiss again and Even adds a second finger. The burn is still there but Even has lost some of his inhibitions and pain is far away from Isak’s mind when Even scissors his fingers and bumps them into his prostate again.

Isak starts moving his hips, his hand joining Even’s that’s wrapped around Isak’s length. The pressure on his prostate and cock simultaneously is everything Isak needs to relax completely, toes curling with how good this starts to feel. He arches into Even when he hesitatingly adds a third finger.

“Even,” Isak whines, panting into his mouth, “I need you. I’m going to come before you actually get to put your dick in me.”

Even plays with the tip of Isak’s cock, teasing it while the fingers inside of Isak are moving with more intent now. “Do you want to?” 

Isak shakes his head, then nods. He’s not sure what Even is asking. “Can I ride you?” He pants, jerking his hips up into their joined hands to get more friction on his dick but regretting it when that makes Even’s fingers slip from his prostate.

He’s had that fantasy of fucking himself on Even’s cock for a while now, ever since he started thinking about going all the way with Even if he’s honest. So when Even breathes an _okay_ and pulls his fingers out of him, he’s only too eager to get his boyfriend on his back and straddle him.

Even’s pupils are blown wide as he watches Isak rip open the condom wrapper with his teeth, groaning when Isak puts it on him, using generous amounts of lube again. “ _Faen_ ,” He mutters when Isak lifts himself up on his knees, tight grip on the base of Even’s cock.

“Okay,” Isak mumbles to himself, “I’m actually gonna spear myself on your cock… that’s totally chill.” He gnaws on his bottom lip nervously, lining up Even’s cock but not pushing down on it.

“Did you just say you’ll _spear_ yourself on my cock?” Even asks incredulously, making it very obvious that he’s trying to suppress a snort.

Isak braces himself against Even’s chest with his hand. He rolls his eyes at Even but there’s the faintest smile on his lips. “Shut up,” He groans and then he’s sinking down slowly, barely a few millimetres.

Even’s hands fly to Isak’s ribs, looking for purchase. “Oh my god, you feel incredible,” Even moans.

“Who’s calling who his god now?” Isak teases but his voice is nothing more than a breath as he lowers himself a little more. The stretch is _a lot_ but with Even’s warm hands against his sides and his uncontrollable groans and moans, Isak manages to push down more and more until he’s sitting flush against Even’s pelvis. He’s breathing heavily — as is Even — and it takes him a while to get used to the feeling of his boyfriend inside of him, filling him up entirely.

Tentatively, he makes a circling motion with his hips to see what it would feel like.

“Isak, my _god_. I can’t— you’re— fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” Even stutters.

Isak moves again, just a little, and it’s exactly right because it’s nailing his prostate head on. “Oh fu—“ Isak pants; with his hand still on Even’s chest for stability, he lifts himself up as high as possible before sinking down again — the force with which Even nudges his prostate making tears spring to his eyes.

They get lost in moans and sloppy kisses that almost make Even slip out of Isak a couple of times until they find a good angle at which they can kiss and fuck.

Isak’s thighs are straining with the exertion of lifting himself up and down Even’s cock and he screams with the relief of Even finally wrapping his fingers around his length, jerking him off in the rhythm of their thrusts into each other.

Even comes before him, a drawn out moan leaving his lips and the tips of his fingers pressing almost painfully into Isak’s hips.

“So close, so close,” Isak whispers deliriously, putting the last of his strength into fucking himself on Even’s cock one last time and the squeeze of Even’s hand around him sending him over the edge as well.

His legs feel like jelly — much like every other part of his body if he thinks about it — but Isak manages to lift himself off Even as soon as he can think somewhat clearly again. He pulls Even on top of him right away, feeling like he’s going to float away if he doesn’t have Even grounding him. It doesn’t matter that there’s come drying on their skin.

“That was…” Even doesn’t seem to find the words to finish this sentence, instead he settles for brushing his fingers gently through Isak’s sweat-slick curls, smiling down at him.

“Out of this world,” Isak concludes, chuckling, “I love you.” It might have been fucking scary, a mess of a first time probably but it was also fucking perfect because Isak shared it with Even and that’s really all that matters.

Even kisses the tip of his nose and then his cheeks. “Yeah. It was,” He murmurs, nudging his nose against Isak’s and raising his eyebrows in that signature way of his when he asks, “Wanna make out a little before we get cleaned up — again?”

Isak giggles and nods, though he’s interrupted by a big yawn, eyelids fluttering shut for a second. It’s not really surprising that he’s fucking exhausted.

“Or sleep,” Even laughs. He rolls them around so they’re still all tangled limbs but lying on their sides now so when Even falls asleep, he doesn’t end up being a death weight on top of Isak. Before he settles down completely, though, he remembers to pull off the condom, tying it up and throwing it on the ground carelessly. He pulls Isak into his chest and keeps carding his fingers through his hair until Isak’s snoring softly against his neck and he follows quickly after.

 

Isak wakes up to the banging of some cupboard doors and quiet cursing. “Babe?” He calls out, still half asleep.

“Shit,” Even curses again, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up!”

Isak pulls the duvet higher up, turning around until he spots Even standing in the doorway to the bathroom, the bathrobe haphazardly thrown over himself. “What are you doing?” Isak asks groggily, “Come lie down with me.”

Despite the darkness, Isak still sees the smile on Even’s face as he saunters over, crawling on the mattress and lifting himself over Isak to lie on his other side. He presses a kiss to Isak’s cheek and whispers, “You’re so fucking hot.”

Isak is grinning at that point, pulling Even closer. “More sleep,” He demands, squints his eyes and thinks for a second before adding, “And kisses.”

Even easily complies, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. “I’m a little hungry. Let’s go and get some McDonald’s first?” He suggests.

The idea of going to find food in the middle of the night seems anything but appealing but now that Even mentioned it, Isak could really go for some food. He nods sleepily. “More kisses first… what time is it anyway?”

“I don’t know… I put your phone on the bedside table,” Even replies.

Isak rolls his eyes. “Do you ever sleep?” He wonders as he reaches for his phone, tapping it to light up the screen. He falters when he sees that he got a message from his mother.

Even notices the change of atmosphere, worry ringing in his voice when he asks, “Hey, are you okay?”

Isak rolls back over to face Even, brow furrowed and phone clutched in his hand. Even brushes his thumb against the creases in Isak’s forehead and Isak heaves a sigh. “It’s my mother,” He explains, “I told her about you in a text earlier today… and now there’s a response.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Even whispers, squeezing his arm comfortingly.

Isak nods but he’s not sure he believes it. He taps the screen again and then opens his mother’s message, squeezing his eyes shut and just focusing on his breathing for a moment before he looks at it. And—

_To Isak my beautiful son: I have loved you from the moment I first saw you on 21 July 1999 at 21:21 and I will love you for all eternity. I can’t wait until you introduce me to that boyfriend of yours. What’s his name?_

Isak starts crying. There’s a weight suddenly lifted off his chest that he didn’t even realise was there before. But of course his mother’s opinion would mean something to him because despite not having talked to her in almost a year, she’s still his mother and he will always love her like she promised to love him.

“Shit, Isak,” Even gasps, wrapping Isak up in his arms, “Was it bad? Fuck, I’m—“

Isak shakes his head, looking up at Even with a smile. He throws his phone in Even’s face, wiping his hands over his eyes and takes a couple steadying breaths.

Once Even read the message, he smiles back at Isak, pressing an excited kiss to his lips. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you! I can’t wait to meet your mother either!”

Isak doesn’t think he could feel more happy than right in this moment. He kisses Even until they’re both breathless.

Only when they get a little too distracted by their rumbling stomachs, they get out of bed, Isak taking a quick shower — alone, because Even already took one while Isak was still asleep — and then they get dressed. Even throws his woollen sweater at Isak, telling him, “Give me yours and you wear mine or you’re going to freeze. Who’s wearing snapbacks at this time of year?” He seems exasperated as he takes his beanie and puts it on Isak’s head.

Isak’s laughing, picking his snapback off the floor and then pulls Even closer by his belt loops, pecking his lips before giving the snapback to Even. “You are,” He smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at him. 

When he puts on his, admittedly, thin jacket, Even is still frowning at him. “You really can’t dress yourself for the weather, can you?” He sighs, shaking his head in disbelief.

Isak rolls his eyes, Even is overreacting. “It’s not going to be that cold!” He insists, reaching out to lace his fingers with Even’s and pulls him toward the door.

They take the elevator down, standing close and stealing kisses from each other. When they’re about to leave the lobby, Even tries to wriggle out of Isak’s grasp but Isak just holds on tighter. Looking at Even, he finds his boyfriend’s eyes wide, a beautiful blush grazing his cheeks. “What—“

Isak leans up to kiss Even’s cheek and pulls him outside. The first thing Isak says when the November air hits them is, “Faen, it’s cold!” 

Even opts to not say anything but he unwraps his scarf from around his neck and slings it around Isak for additional warmth.

Isak sinks into it, not even thinking about defending his contradicting words. He already feels frozen to the bones.

“You can have my coat if you want,” Even offers because he’s a fucking gentleman and willing to brave the cold if he just knows that Isak is warm.

Isak shakes his head frantically. “No!” He exclaims, “You’re going to freeze!” 

Even laughs, teasing good-naturedly, “I’m not going to freeze, Isak. It’s not that cold, remember?”

Isak pouts for all of two seconds before he breaks into a smile again. He’s just so fucking happy. Squeezing Even’s fingers, they start walking to the closest McDonald’s. When they get there, both their cheeks are bitten pink from the cold. There’s a line of people waiting to get a late night snack as well and Isak would never admit it but he’s kind of glad that they can stay a little longer in the comfortable warmth of the restaurant. Isak lets go of Even’s hand so he’s able to scoot close to him, wrapping his arms around Even’s middle under his coat, tilting his head up to ask for a kiss and after a perplexed Even gave it to him, he rubs their cold noses together, hoping to get some feeling back there.

“What’s going on?” Even asks, adorably confused that Isak changed his mind about being public with their relationship all of a sudden.

Isak shoots him a small, bashful smile that turns into a smirk when he shrugs and says, “I’m just leeching off your warmth.”

The truth would be that it doesn’t matter that they’re showing how in love they are in public because the important people in Isak’s life know about him now and have accepted him and it’s the most freeing feeling to be able to let everyone know, without worrying or caring about it, how happy he is with his gorgeous boyfriend.

“Oh yeah?” Even has a challenging look in his eyes and suddenly, his cold fingers have slipped under Isak’s (Even’s) sweater and he’s tickling Isak.

“Stop!” Isak screeches, not even thinking about how others might be annoyed by their antics. He tries to push Even away — but with no such luck.

Eventually, Even takes pity and lets go of him though, stepping behind Isak and holding him close. With a bit of difficulty, he zips his coat up, it being big enough to fit both of them. He kisses the side of Isak’s face, both of them giggly and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That smut, huh? I think what I wanted to achieve most here was that sex, especially when it's the first time, isn't perfect... so I hope I kind of achieve that? I don't know. Hope you liked it either way!
> 
> So yeah that's it. Wow, I can't believe it's over now. This last chapter was incredibly fun to write even though I had troubles with it more than once. This whole story was amazing to write and I loved every single comment and kudos. So thank you so so much to every single one of you! Let me know if you liked this last Monster Chapter as well and if you want to come talk to me, you can also find me on tumblr at julian-dahl. ❤︎


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